I start by saying, I am writing this article as I am deeply sad and mourning the loss of a family member.
Previously, I have written on this subject and I touched on more than one type of goodbye. Today I dedicate this post to my cousin George – who just passed away two days ago. May he rest in peace and may he be in a place that is deserving for him.
The first thing I feel is shock that this is actually happening. This is the first time I experience a loss that is close to my heart. I am struggling with my feelings because a part of me wants to cry and cry and the other part is trying to rationalize the whole thing.
I know that we all have a day that we will no longer be on earth and that our time is borrowed. Our life on earth is to be lived to the fullest, to be experienced whether in joy or in pain – it is to be lived nonetheless. So why is it I cannot just accept my loss. I guess the human part in me, reacts to the reality of things not putting in consideration that there is a bigger picture to this tragedy.
I have always believed, and that is my own personal choice, that each one of us is here on earth to fulfill a purpose. We may all lead different lives in different ways in different parts of the world; speak different languages, follow different cultures, traditions and religions, eat different food, dress differently, think differently, act differently – but in the end have one thing in common – we are all born one day and we all pass on one day. The day you depart from this world also varies – the way, the timing, the cause, the age, the effects and above all the purpose.
So one might ask oneself … what is my purpose?? Some live their lives looking for their purpose, some never figure it out, some do not even believe there is such a thing as a life purpose and some just live allowing things to happen in their lives as it was meant to be – living in total faith and in total alignment with the purpose of their existence without even giving it a thought or making the effort.
My cousin was one of those people who lived his life in alignment with the purpose of his existence and so his death is just a part of his work on earth. He influenced the world he lived in and he is influencing it even when he passed away. I know he is looking down on me now. I know he is in a better place and I know he will watch over me. I just wish I had no regrets at this moment. That is probably one of the reasons I am not able to accept his loss, because I wish I could have done things a little differently.
I am grateful to him because he taught me a real lesson. And even though I cannot change the past, I have the power to change the future. And it starts now, in this moment – not “tomorrow” and not “later” and not “when I can”.
If there is someone I want to talk to – I will pick up that phone and keep trying till I get a hold of them. If there is someone I want to see – I will make the effort and do whatever is necessary to see them. If there is someone I am upset with – I will confront them and not be afraid to let it out and clear the air. If there is someone I love – I will tell them. If there is someone I want to help – I will just do it. If there is someone who hurt me – I will just forgive them.
I will live my life with no regrets. I will live it the best way I know how. I will do the things I thought I could never do. I will do the things that scare me the most. I will live with no fear. I will follow my instincts a little more. I will climb more mountains because I know I can.
George, I will never see you again, I will never hold you in my arms, I will never hear your voice again, but I will never forget you, I will never stop loving you, and I will never take for granted all that you have done. Thank you for being a part of my life – no matter how big or small. I am so lucky to have known you and so blessed to have been loved by you. I know you can hear me saying this to you – so please forgive me for not being a better cousin to you – you were much better at it than me, but I promise, I will not make that mistake again.
I will never be ready to say Goodbye to you .. I do not want to say it .. because I feel you are still here…
Rest In Peace George!!
I miss you!!