Trust

What a very serious topic!!  One that we all have talked about at some point in our lives.  One that we experience from birth till the day we die.  Trust is part of our daily lives.  It can make us or it can break us.  Trust at the end of the day is a choice.  As much as it is a feeling, it is also a thought.  Whether we trust or do not trust – it is up to us how we want to live our lives.

Here is a question for you: What is trust??

Answer:  Trust is an emotion. I guess it can be called a feeling of confidence in another that they are competent or will fulfill duties expected of them. (wiki answers)

I find it very interesting that people avoid talking about this subject. Indeed it is a sensitive one.  It is however one of the main cores of any relationship.  As you all must know, when there is no trust, there is no hope in that relationship – whatever it may be.

So why do we trust and why don’t we? What is it that holds us back at times? What can we do to be trustworthy and to be more trusting in our lives and with each other?

Some believe you need to give it time in order to trust someone, let them prove themselves to you, let them work hard to gain that trust. In other words to be worthy of you.

Others believe it is better to live life by giving people the benefit of the doubt and give them the chance to prove you right – rather than prove you wrong.

Both approaches are neither right nor wrong.  It is a comfort level of the individual.  Although the two approaches are complete opposite, yet the result is the same; as you will find out at some point whether the person was worthy of your trust or not.  And you come to that conclusion when events occur and you get to experience the actions of that person.

It is painful and heartbreaking when you find out that you have been backstabbed or simply got let down because your expectations where higher than they should have been from the start.

When you give the trust immediately, hoping and praying you don’t get hurt, you are actually gambling with your heart.  You are keeping yourself open for destruction. You know in the back of your mind that no one is perfect and you know that most of the times, people do not mean to hurt you and you know that you do not have control over anything or anyone around you.  What they do or don’t do, what they say or don’t say, how they treat you and why. There is only one thing we can do to protect ourselves from being broken and that is to understand that even though people’s actions are painful, they don’t have to kill us, even though we got fooled once or twice, we don’t have to close off completely and deprive ourselves from living and loving again.  We will learn certain lessons (some will be more costly than others), and we can learn to be a little cautious next time around.  The one thing that most of us do; which is not healthy at all, and that is we shut down and we close ourselves in a bubble thinking that this is better; in order for us not to get hurt again.  Little do we know that putting up walls and closing ourselves off from the world is hurting us more in the long run.

At times, we get so consumed with ourselves, our needs and emotions and we seem to forget that trust goes both ways. And just as we have been hurt, we have also at some point caused hurt to someone and they lost trust in us.  We are humans afterall.  We may not mean to hurt anyone,  but our actions have caused someone pain.  Unless you are an evil person, you most likely did not intend to cause pain to those you love.  Some circumstances and situations force us to do things or say things that we regret later but can never take back. The damage would have already been done. But understanding the causes and the reasons behind it may actually help in moving forward and not to hold any grudges.  If we want to be forgiven for our actions, we must be able to do the same.

I can take this a little further here and I will say that from my own personal experience, I have learned that trust is a choice in my life.  In my younger days, when I was naive and inexperienced, I trusted so easily and I got hurt just as fast.  It was not good that I got backstabbed and hurt. However, I am glad it all happened.  I am not happy about being in pain and I am definitely not proud of the person I became after loosing trust in people who hurt me.  It was all necessary though to teach me a bigger lesson in life.  I needed to go through those kind of experiences to understand the big picture.  And so I thank those who hurt me because I am a stronger person now; because of their betrayal to me.

Having said that, I am not saying that I am immune to being hurt or experiencing pain again.  I still do and it hurts like hell every time.  I am able to stand up on my feet a little quicker every time and I do not harp over situations longer than it needs to be and most of all, I learned to forgive those whom I have trusted and let me down so I can move on with my life quicker.  As a matter of fact, it is a work in progress.

So here I am reaching out to you; my readers, I know you have been hurt, I know you have trusted and loved with all your heart, and it got stepped on and thrown around a couple of times and even stabbed.  I am sorry that you went through that.  But I also urge you to look at the big picture of your life.  Look at it as an outsider – look at your life before and after you have been broken by trust – how has it changed you? Do you like the person you have become? Are you happy being at the state you are in now? Do you wish things are different? Are you questioning yourself and your actions all the time? Do you feel like you are a slave to negative emotions – like doubt, mistrust and uncertainty and mostly fear of repeating the same painful experience?

I am here to tell you, not that you do not already know, that you are not alone!  So many others feel that way and think that way …..  Now you need answers, you need solutions.  Isn’t it enough questioning – time to make a change and break through this negative pattern you have lived in. At some point in my life I made that choice – after I have been backstabbed too many times and even hurt by the closest people to me.  I made the choice to treat every person for their own person, not to allow my previous experiences to cloud my judgement.  I allow myself to trust again and to love again – and with it – I am allowing hurt to also come my way.  I am in control now.  I know hurt will come and I am ready for it.  I do not fear it and I do not run away from it.  It will come anyway, so why not let it in and push it out on my own terms.  For me anyways, it is better that way.

Remember this one thing, it is a valuable lesson I learned.  If you learn to trust yourself, you will be able to trust others. Likely, if you learn to forgive yourself, you will be able to forgive others.

Trust in your judgement, follow your instincts, they are usually right.

Here are some quotes about trust I found interesting:

“When all is said and done, you are part of me. That’s the way it was meant to be. People are brought together for a reason, everything happens for a reason. I believe the reason that you and me were brought together was because we complete one another. We fill in each other’s missing spots with love. And if someday God decides to tear us apart, I trust that there is a reason. Cause if there is a reason for love, there is a reason for life beyond it.” ~ Unkown ~
 
“We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy” ~ Walter Anderson ~
 
“The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be – and when they are not, we cry.” ~ Unknown ~
 
 

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