You will understand why I chose this title as you read more of the article.
Other than the fact that I have been super busy with work those past couple of months and the fact that I have been a bit emotionally disturbed for various reasons, I have to say I had some what of writers block or maybe that I was not inspired enough to write.
Although there are always thoughts running in my head, and boy are the thoughts heavy at times; yet, I can’t seem to initiate the step to write. I sometimes run a whole post in my head from beginning to end and I never remember a word to write after the moment has passed. I have no one to blame but myself anyways.
So now that I have explained somewhat my previous state of mind, let me start focusing on my current state of mind.
You ever feel at times in your life that you are at a stage where you don’t really understand how you got there and at the same time you have no idea where you are headed? I kind of feel like that right now. I am overwhelmed with all the new experiences in my life. I am trying to wrap my mind around all the events that took place this year. So many new people entered my life. I had reconciliations with some old friends! I started new relationships from all kinds. I had to get adjusted to a new life. I had to say goodbyes in different ways. I had to get the courage to do things I never thought I would do. This is a bit of a summary for my life this year.
So needless to say I am going through so much emotions, all contradicting at the same time. Yet I am still ok. I haven’t broken down, touch wood, and I haven’t shut down either. I feel I am coming across yet another climax in my life. I know I am saying all these big words, but believe me when I say to you; I didn’t even know I felt all that until I started to write this article.
I am writing this while I am sleep deprived, so I have no idea if I am making sense. I hope I am.
I cannot tell you if I am happy or sad. I can, however, tell you it’s normal to go through these stages in your life. That’s when you are quieter than your usual, when you withdraw a little, or when you prefer to be alone, or when you want some “me” time. Every person chooses the best suitable method to withdraw. You may even do that while occupying yourself with so much to do so you don’t have a moment to think. Thinking may be painful at times and so shutting down the brain is also another way of withdrawal.
That is all ok. Absolutely nothing wrong with you taking time to yourself to figure things out. I call that self-searching. I tend to do that at least once a year, and it’s usually around my birthday. This year however has been different, I seem to be going through a lot of those moments where I want to be alone, withdraw a little and think about my life. I think about what I have done, including the right and the wrong, what I can do better next time, and what I must not do anymore. It’s a long process and it does get complicated, be careful though, not to fall in the trap of regrets, and the shoulda, coulda, woulda ….. Then you are misusing your time to reflect and it’s the guilt that is taking over. Don’t allow it to be part of the process, correct it immediately with more positive and constructive thoughts. I sometimes fall in that trap myself, thank God I get out of it quickly.
My conclusion to this article is that this is yet another one of my lessons learned on my new journey. And yes I say to you: ‘It is ok to withdraw’.