A topic that hits home for me a little too much. Maybe it was necessary to experience all that I did so I can sit here today and share my thoughts with you. Some of you may laugh or shake their head saying:
” you didn’t know that? Did you really need to learn it the hard way?” And I say Yes, unfortunately, I needed to get burned to learn these lessons, I mean really learn it. I may know it in theory but then reality changes everything. I tend to be more stubborn and insist on giving it a try, just to see what I am capable of doing and enduring all at the same time. At what expense in the end, well, my heart…. Still haven’t learned that Lesson!! Apparently.
It is true that I haven’t had many serious relationships that lasted a long time. But who is to say you can’t learn from the shortest of them especially if they were meaningful. And I must add, I do not regret any of them because they made me stronger every time. So in a way, I thank them for teaching me the lesson I needed to prepare myself for the next experience. And the learning doesn’t stop, ever. The heartbreak may end at some point, lets hope it’s sooner than later, but the lessons are continuous as we grow and mature in our journey of life. That is a lesson I learned a couple years back and thank God I did.
I will not go into many details about my past relationships, but I will just tell you my lesson, maybe you are dealing with something similar and may hit home for you. I hope I help in any way I can.
I learned that …..
– you cannot change someone if they don’t want to change.
– you cannot force someone to see that there is something wrong when they are denying it or refuse to see it or afraid to see it.
– you cannot make someone love you, respect you, appreciate you, cherish you or treat you the way you want; unless they want to do all these things on their own.
– you cannot convince someone to be ready for something when they are not.
– you cannot keep giving chances to people that don’t deserve it.
– you cannot keep giving your heart to those who only know how to break it.
– you know from the first date whether or not this relationship will have problems or not, you can usually see it right away, so don’t ignore the signs that are starring you right in the face.
– you need to really listen to what the person is saying to you, don’t dismiss it and come to your own conclusions about what they mean, they usually do mean what they say.
– you must pay attention to the consistency in behavior or lack of it.
– you need to be aware of the actions more than the spoken words and the empty promises. Those who promise a lot, usually do none of it.
– you must be truthful at all times, even when it may cost you the person, if they truly love you, they will forgive you and find a way to get past it.
– you must trust in the love you have, let it go and let it be. If it is meant to be, it will be. If they must go one day, you will learn to live without them. And if they come back, it is up to you to accept.
– you need to be able to forgive the ones that hurt you and leave it all behind you so you can truly move on. Or else you will be going in circles and you may be the one hurting yourself in the long run. No need to hold grudges and no need to revenge, these are poisons not cures.
– you must allow some time to heal before you jump into another relationship, especially if you were hurt badly. You may think you are ready, but you are not. Listen to your inner self more often. When in doubt, don’t do it.
– you must be able to be happy on your own. You do not need someone to provide you with it. You need to find that place inside you where you can go and find peace and love and acceptance.
– you must be able to love yourself unconditionally. If you want someone to love you that way, you need to do it yourself.
– you need to figure out what you want and how you want it and when. How do you expect someone else to figure that out for you.
– you must verbalize your needs and wants with whomever you need it from. They are not psychic, they do not know what’s in your head all the times.
– you must keep the communication line open always and understand that there are several types of communication. Use them and don’t be shy.
– you need to lower your expectations of those you love. Expecting them to be perfect is unrealistic; have a good look in the mirror. Avoid putting them on a pedestal because they will come down from it faster than you blink. It is inevitable.
– you need to differentiate between those who love you for who you are and those who want to love you for who they want you to be.
– you must be aware that convincing someone to be with you is not only degrading, but they will leave one day because they weren’t convinced enough on their own. And that is not saying you are not worthy, on the contrary, it is that they are not worthy to have you.
– you must pay attention to the signs when someone is constantly criticizing you. There is more behind it than what meets the eye.
– you must be able to handle rejection. I never said it was easy. If you are a confident person, you will be able to accept the reality and see it for what it is.
– you must be able to take responsibility for your own decisions and choices. No one put a gun to your head. So when things go wrong, understand and accept your part in it. Don’t go pointing fingers at everyone else and never point it towards you.
– you must look for the signs that show you that you are being taken advantage of and possibly even abused. It doesn’t have to be physical. It is in a lot of cases emotional and mental abuse. It is when you start feeling that it is always your fault, you feel bad about yourself, you feel guilty, you always think how it will make the other person react. It’s when fear drives you more than love and respect. There are a lot of signs. You just cannot dismiss it. It’s not love if you are always hurting, always crying, always feeling unhappy.
– you must fight for your love, don’t ever give up. Sometimes it’s worth fighting for.
– you need to be able to let go when you have tried all that you can, when you have given it all that you got.
– you gotta be able to make a judgement of the character you are dealing with. Be careful, and be aware if you are being played.
– you should always follow your instincts. They are usually right.
– you deserve the best, so don’t settle for less.
– you are a jewel, so don’t let anyone treat you otherwise.
– you are worthy to be loved, so love yourself first and the rest will follow.
– you can open your heart and you can be in love, just choose the right time, and the right person.
– you can have it all, just look at those around you who love you for who you are. Don’t go chasing those who don’t see you. Look at your doorstep, you will find those who are smiling back at you.
These are some of my lessons learned whether it be through my actions or thoughts or the other person’s. I learned them as I went along. Some I had to learn more than once. I may be giving you the advice and I know it is hard to follow through. We are humans. And we do become weak at times. I just hope that we continue to find the strength to learn, to grow, to apply what we learn and to become better and better with time. What else can we do, right?
Once again, thanks for listening.