“You always aim for the bull’s eye, but you don’t always hit it” quoted by an actress during an interview. It made me think. And it caused me to analyze my life yet again. The question I ask myself today: ‘do I live by this principle?’
This thought brings me to a related thought and that is: ‘do I take chances?’ And I am so quick to answer that one more than the first. And that is a ‘hell yes’. I know myself so well when it comes to taking chances. I do that almost in everything in my life. No exceptions. It seems to be my destiny in life. I live to take a chance.
I do realize that I am a risk taker. On what level, I am not exactly sure. I can’t say that I have a strong heart to do crazy things like bungee jumping per say. My risks are more focused on the decisions I take in my life, my choices in the path I take, in other words; the way I live my life.
I gamble with my heart all the times. I put myself on the line time and time again. I get broken, I find a way to fix it and I gamble it one more time. The cycle doesn’t seem to end. Is it because I’m stubborn, or is it that I don’t learn, or is it just me being me? I don’t know, to be honest. But whichever reason it may be, I can’t stop myself from taking a chance on something I want and believe in. I will do everything in my power to make things work out the way I want it to. I don’t give up. I keep pushing things to their limits. Till there is no more ways to try. Till it is totally out of my hands. That is the only time I become submissive. And even then, I don’t call it giving up or failing, I see it as my destined result from taking those chances and from pushing the envelope. I don’t think I can live an easy-going, non-challenging, non-exhausting life. I mentioned before in one of my writings that ‘Challenge’ is my middle name. And I do live up to my name. My first name and my made up middle name. So to analyze this a bit more, technically, I am the Queen of Challenges. I like the way that sounds. How come I never thought of this before! Those who personally know me will understand and most likely will laugh so much.
On a more serious note, I wonder why I live this way, why am I willing to risk so much in order to get what I want. Why I spend money so easily? Why I trust so fast? Why I love so deeply? Why I give all of me? Why am I not afraid to fall on my face? Why do I constantly go after the things that are almost impossible? Why do I follow my heart more than my mind? Why do I keep asking why?
Confused you? So am I. I find myself asking a lot of questions that I need answers to. Usually there is a particular situation that develops in my life which pushes me to think and to analyze my actions. Every once in a while I must examine my thoughts. And yes, it is that time of the year again when I go crazy. Whenever my birthday is approaching, I go to this zone of soul-searching. Am I doing the right things? Have I lost my way? Should I change things about myself to become a better person? Should I take another chance? Or should I accept my lesson from taking a particular chance? All of this runs through my mind. No wonder I can’t fall asleep. Too much thoughts.
The answer is: ‘I have faith’. May seem too simple of an answer yet not a clear one. Let me explain. I live my life with this belief and that is I will take my chances, I will gamble, I will put a lot on the line and I will have no fear and I will have no regrets, whichever way things turn out; whether I gain a lot or loose a lot. I have faith; blind faith. A very intangible method in living my life. Whatever is meant for me will be, even the suffering, even the looses I experience, be that material things or people. All the same lesson in the end. What is destined for me will be. I have no control over the result. But I have the freedom to choose my path. And if challenges keep me alive then so be it. If life means more to me by taking chances and seeing where it leads me, then why not? What is there to be afraid of. I will never know until I try. And trying is all I have been doing ever since I remember. I will try and I will try until I get it right. The risks are worth it in the end. My motto in life is: ‘A life with no risks is not a life to be lived’
However, going back to the quote that spiraled my train of thoughts, I will answer to that and say unfortunately, I don’t always go for the bull’s eye and maybe that will help direct me in my choices from now on. It is ok to take risks, it is ok to take chances. It hasn’t always worked out good for me. Maybe it is time for me to learn how to aim right. Aim on the right chances to take. Calculate my risks a bit better. Aim for the bull’s eye. When I do get it, it will be a sweet victory and if I don’t, at least I know I tried and I have given it all I got.
So ask yourself today, do you take chances? Find out why you do and why you don’t. Ask yourself yet again, am I aiming at the bull’s eye? Find out your fears, analyze them, figure out your comfort level with taking risks. Just please don’t go blaming me when things go wrong and say I put you up to it. That has to be your own decision. I’m just here to open your eyes and I just opened up to you about myself so you can think and learn from my mistakes. You know what, I just took a chance writing this sentence above, not knowing how you will react. Because I have faith, that you will understand me and not judge me. If you have been reading my posts, then I have already developed a level of trust with you. And for that I am thankful. Thank you for listening.