Have you ever woke up one morning and realized you are living in a fantasy? Have you ever felt that life is but a stage? Have you ever wondered: the things you have come to believe in, the people you have come to be attached to and the life you live; are all the mere thoughts and wishes you have in your mind – to make it all real? I wonder this sometimes.
I wonder even if I am real. I know it sounds crazy. I know it seems like it is being exaggerated a little … ok .. a lot. I don’t know how to explain it, but I will try. Maybe one of you felt this way once or twice in their life and can relate to my thoughts.
I do feel like I am living a life that does not belong to me. Sometimes I feel the people who are surrounding me are just passing me by for a brief time and one day they will disappear without any warnings and without any reason. I don’t understand it, but I just feel it. Sometimes I think I am living a borrowed life. I go through different stages as I grow older. I experience amazing things, some good, some bad … amazing nonetheless.
I ask myself is that my doing? or is this something above my control? I mean did I just wake up one morning and decided that my life was going to go this direction, instead of the one I am in now. And every time, I take a different path; usually the most challenging one, but that is just me being typical me. Seriously though, my life is like a dream – sometimes you can look at it as a nightmare rather. Be that as it may, as one of my dear friends always says. I realize that even though my choices in life lead me to where I end up, I still feel that something about the way things change so drastically is unreal.
When you pass a certain stage and you are living a totally different life than the one before, do you ask yourself, how did I get here? Then you start analyzing all your decisions, you retrace all your steps and you try to find an explanation as to why you are here now – living like this, being like this.
I am not questioning who I am, more than I am questioning why things happen the way they do. I am questioning how come I felt so strongly about something before and years later, it is no longer the case. It is now just a memory. A video rolling in my mind about certain events, things I said, things I did, things others said or did. And then it feels like this was all in a dream. It was like a fantasy of some sort. or was it? Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday that you lived this particular life and sometimes it feels like it was ages ago. It is funny that it does not always work with the oldest to the newest stage. You may remember the one from long ago so clearly that you can even remember what you were wearing and what you were eating. And the life you just lived a couple of years ago, feel like a lifetime away and everything is so vague and you can’t even believe that you were once upon a time living that life.
Let’s talk about our present fantasies. Do you ever find yourself doing certain things and pushing yourself to be living a life that you envision in your mind. Usually it is the things that mean the most to you. These are the things that are dear to your heart. The person that you want to be. The people who you want to be around. Sometimes it is good for you, because what you think about, come about. You can bring your dreams into reality not only by wanting it, but also by living it. You CAN make your dreams come true. Then there are those times when it is not good for you. That is when you have fears of whatever it is and you are doing everything to avoid it from happening, but that is when the most things you fear, end up manifesting. The power of the mind. We all live it. Some realize it. Some just do it without thinking.
The most dangerous thing you can do is not use the power of your mind correctly. The worst thing you can do to yourself is to live a life that is not real, that is not yours, at least for now. You may wanna get married so bad, so you find yourself settling for the wrong person. You may want to have a child so bad, so you end up a single parent and you haven’t given much thought about this child you are bringing into this world. You may want a job so bad, that you are willing to sacrifice your morals to get it. You may be blinded by money so bad, that you will do things you never thought you would do. The examples go on and on. These are some of the fantasies we allow ourselves to live in, in order to get what our hearts desire. But we go about it the wrong way and at the wrong time. If it is not meant for us now, it is not. We have to accept sometimes that we may not find the right partner to marry, we may not be moms or dads, we may not have the job we dream of, we may not have all the money we wish we had so we can live the life we wish we lived.
I would rather live in reality than in a fantasy world. Because a fantasy is a fantasy at the end of the day. One day you will wake up from it, and it will be nothing but a dream you lived temporarily. It was never really yours to begin with. It was not your time yet. That is not saying we give up. No. Absolutely not. But it is better to accept our realities for what it is, open our eyes, minds and hearts and see where the road may lead us. Maybe something better is awaiting us. Maybe our destiny does not include all the things we have dreamed of. Maybe there is a better life ahead, if only we stop focusing on the things we want and we want now, if only we allow life to just be and let it take us where we are supposed to be. Knowing me, one day, I will accept and the other day I will want it my way … It is human nature at the end of the day. We always want, we always dream, we always live in fantasy … even if just for a little while.