Unfulfilled Love

Only unfulfilled love can be romantic.” Vicki Cristina Barcelona · 2008

I just finished watching this interesting movie and there was this quote that stuck with me.  I thought about it for a while and tried to understand it.  It kinda makes sense.  Looking back at my romantic experiences, I notice a pattern … and I see it clearly:  only the unfulfilled love is romantic, the other kinds of love, well, not saying not romantic at all, but not the same effect.

It’s no secret that I love to LOVE and the feeling of being in love.  I am a woman who is full of love and want to give it all to those who are dear to my heart whether it be to my family, to my friends and to my man.  I have always been able to give my love. But I haven’t always received it back in the same way.  I am loved, I have been loved and I will continue to be loved … but sometimes, even though I am loved by many, I am not content because I am not loved by the one that I want to be loved by.  And there is something attractive about this.  It sounds really crazy I know, but it is actually so romantic when you think of it.

I mean, you dream about the person, you fantasize about being with them, talking with them, holding them, doing all the things that would make you on cloud Nine. You think of them holding your hands while walking down the street, you imagine them laying in your bed next to you to the point you reach out to touch them but all you feel is emptiness.  You are in the kitchen cooking, listening to music, singing along, dancing, and you wish they were right there holding you from behind and kissing you on the neck.  You sit down at the dinner table to eat and you stare at that empty chair across from you and you wish they were right there sharing a meal with you along with some laughter, some smiles, and conversations only with the eyes.  You look at the phone, stare at their number and pray that one day they will call you and tell you that they love you too.

This can be about someone you met but never really been romantically involved with, but it can also be about someone you once were involved with.  Some can be reliving the memories and wishing it would come back.  You would give anything just to have this experience again with that person. If you could only close your eyes, open them, and you are back at that moment where life was exactly what you hoped it would be, where you lived a moment just like you wanted, where nothing mattered, where all the happiness in the world was in that one moment … if only we can turn back time.

You can describe this as torture just as much as romantic, because it can be if you allow it.  It can take over your whole life if you let it.  It is ok to dream of things you wish you had, it is ok to feel sad at times and it is ok to smile about it every chance you get.  At some point, you need to face reality and accept things for what they are.  You may never have these things with the person you want at this point in your life, but that does not mean you will never have it.

What is even worse, is when you are with someone that reminds you of a past love, and the way they talk, the way they hold you, sometimes as creepy as the words they say, it all reminds you of that person that you cannot forget.  In that moment, you may imagine you are with your past love, at least you will think of that person for a second, and possibly about to make the mistake of calling out their name.  You catch yourself and face the reality as you feel bad immediately because you know it is not right to feel this way.  It is not fair to this person you are now with. But there is something that always takes you back in time, to that one true love, to that unfulfilled love, it awakens your memories, it makes you yearn for that feeling, the one you knew made you so happy, but now you are trying to create a new memory and you have to learn to let the past go.  Easier said than done.  I know that all too well.

This is what we experience nowadays.  This is the tragedy we live in daily. How many love stories ended because of circumstances outside of our own control.  How many were forced to settle and marry someone while still in love with someone else.  How many sad stories about someone getting killed in the name of love.  Well, apparently nothing has changed since ages ago, except for one thing probably.  We do not fight for our love as we used to.  We may have heard about the love tragedies in our history, we may have read books about it or watched movies, or plays that tell the tales of all the love tragedies of our time. Who hasn’t heard of the tragic story of ROMEO & JULIET, or the tragedy of CLEOPATRA & MARK ANTHONY, and what about the story of ORPHEUS & EURYDICE.  These are only some stories among many where unfulfilled love; not only turned out to be romantic, but also the most tragic as it turns out in death at the end.

I leave you with Beethoven love letter:

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us – I can live only wholly with you or not at all – Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits – Yes, unhappily it must be so – You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart – never – never – Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life – Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men – At my age I need a steady, quiet life – can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mail coach goes every day – therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once – Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together – Be calm – love me – today – yesterday – what tearful longings for you – you – you – my life – my all – farewell. Oh continue to love me – never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine ever mine ever ours” ~ Love letters of Great Men.

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