Lover to a Friend

How often does it happen for a love relationship to end and then start a friendship. How successful are those transformations? How likely is it to last a long time?

To answer some of my own questions, I will start by saying: “I believe anything is possible”. My life up until now is a living proof of that. I never imagined having certain relationships in my life ever starting, never mind it lasting the time that it has, and my life isn’t over yet.

Every relationship in our lives comes at times when we need it and whether it stays forever, for a long time or for a short period of time depends on what you are attracting to yourself by your own thoughts, wants and needs. Sometimes things happen in ways you never expect them to. Sometimes you pray for things to happen the way you want and they never do. I never said I fully understand how this whole thing works, but at least I can say I accept the way it works. That goes back to my blind faith that what is meant to be will be and usually to my best interest whether I see it or not at the time.

I always felt that when a love relationship ends, it is not possible to have a friendship develop after the healing has happened. Frankly, I was never able to do it. Today, I see things differently for some reason. Maybe because I’m getting older .. who knows??? It is possible that I didn’t heal completely from all my past love relationships. Maybe I held on to the memories of that love too much that I was never able to move forward and see things clearly. Maybe I never allowed myself enough time to heal from one relationship to the next. Maybe I was too focused on finding the “right one” so much that my judgment was too hasty and at times very wrong. I don’t know why I am thinking about this now or why am I seeing things from a different angle. All I know is that I feel different. I feel that I can see things clearer than before. I want to make changes in my life starting now.

This leads me to my question of the possibility of starting a friendship; a real friendship, with someone who was once your lover at first. I cannot say I am on familiar territory here. I have experienced Friend to Lover to Friend but never Lover to Friend. This is my first I must say. And you know what, it doesn’t feel wrong. I can’t really describe how it feels like because it is too early to tell. I don’t know how successful this trial will be. But I do know this, I am at peace with the idea. As a matter of fact I feel liberated.

There is no denying that there are a lot of emotions and struggles involved in the process of transforming the foundation of the relationship. If it is not done right from the beginning, it won’t succeed. Everyone knows starting something is one thing, maintaining it is on a whole new level. It is easy to step back into old habits or into that comfort zone you once shared where there are no boundaries and no limitations. It can also endanger the progress you have made in finding some way to live your life without them being part of it completely. Going from an absolute cut off after a heartbreak to talking terms is already a big step. But then finding out that what you had never died changes the picture a little bit. Every one’s reasons to develop or to transform this connection to a real pure friendship based on pure love will differ from one person to the next. We don’t all do it for the same reason. But there is always a reason why we consider changing the foundation. However there will be one common reason for all those who transform their lover to a friend; and that is because they need them in their life to some capacity. The presence of that person in your life is almost detriment to your happiness, even if it meant they would take on a different role than when you first met.

Some may argue and say, this is called holding on to your past and not being able to move on. And I may agree with that thought but not entirely. This is coming from a person that never thought it was even possible to be friends after being lovers. The reason I don’t agree completely that it is weakness or that it is due to inability to move on is because this process is being done with a clear head, after all the stages of break up had taken place, after they were no longer a part of your daily life. When they leave your life and by some miracle they come back in it, I believe we must listen to the calling and to destiny’s wish that those two souls must not be apart …. Just yet anyways. The time for those two souls is not done yet, maybe they never will, but we don’t know what the future holds. We only know the here and now, and if we oppose the law of attraction and what it brings our way based on our hearts desires, then we have no right to complain after. When the opportunity comes your way, grab it. You never know what is behind the events that take place that you never planned for. That is blind faith. That is believing in destiny. That is called living your life to the fullest.

It is true we do not know what the future has in store for us. We always make plans and most of them blow up in our face .. Time and time again at least in my case. But I learned that it is ok for things not to go the way I wanted it at the time I wanted it. As a matter of fact, what I wanted may not be what I am destined for, so I learned that whatever happens, it happens for a reason beyond my understanding. Furthermore, I accept that I will not always understand why things happen the way they do, why I meet the people I do at the time I do, why they leave my life, why they come back if they do, and why I feel the feelings that I do. All I know … I just do.

So how long can such a transformed friendship last, is really unknown. A lot of factors are involved in this process. Definitely the will and determination of both parties are the main reason why this would even work. How important it is to be in each other’s lives will be determined by the effort they both put into it. It does take a lot of work, a lot of restraint, a lot of emotional struggles. The real question to ask here: “is this person worth me going through all this??” And if the answer is a quick “YES”, then most likely this new-found friendship based on pure love and respect will last a really long time. Moreover, this friendship will succeed as long as both parties are on the same page. Sometimes not talking about where this is going is better than analyzing it and discussing it. It is what it is. And if it is not right or not meant to be, it will end by itself no matter what anyone tries to do to hold on to it. The same way it came back, will be the same way it goes …through destiny.

One comment on “Lover to a Friend

  1. I love this post. It has given me hope for an issue that I was dealing with. Maybe we dismiss relationships too quickly because it’s easier than to face the challenges. We lose so much richness taking the easy route.


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