The “ASSUME” Lesson

It is better to get your facts straight than to reach your own conclusion.  It may save you from a lot of disappointment in the long run.  We all fall in the trap of assuming things and coming up with our own explanations in order to complete the whole picture in our minds.  We need answers to our queries and when it is not given to us, we just find our own way of understanding things, and so, we assume.

I am guilty of this myself.  I find myself analyzing and thinking of possible reasons and explanations to my whys and how comes.  I rationalize it to myself and reach my own conclusion and then I become convinced that I must be right. However, I can say that I am improving on this subject.  I have made a better effort in investigating rather than reaching to my own conclusion.  If nothing else, I wait till the moment I get to find out the truth before I make my judgment. A lot of times, I wish I was wrong in my thinking.  But what can I say, even though I try to find out the complete story, my speculations end up being right from the start.  My instincts never fail me.  When I feel something is off, it usually is.  In the past, I have made mistakes in assuming things and the result was getting hurt.  I didn’t pay attention to the signs staring me right in the face.  I chose to see what I wanted to see because it was easier that way. Little did I know.

So when you think of “assuming” – do you think you are assuming more towards the positive or towards the negative? Ask yourself if you are guilty of this habit.  I do refer to it as a habit because we are not born with it.  We get used to doing it, that is all.  So we can undo it if we choose to.  And to be honest, we must.  We create more problems for ourselves in the long run when we get into the habit of assuming things. We don’t realize we do it most of the time.  But really, we do it everyday, with everything and everyone.

Let me share with you some views on assumption:

“How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.” ~ Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

“In any kind of relationship we can make the assumption that others know what we think, and we don’t have to say what we want. They are going to do what we want because they know us so well. If they don’t do what we want, what we assume they should do, we feel hurt and think, “How could you do that? You should know.” Again, we make the assumption that the other person knows what we want. A whole drama is created because we make this assumption and then put more assumptions on top of it.” ~ Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom

“Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” ~ Alan Alda

Many of us are aware that assuming and judging are not the proper way to live.  We are influenced by the society surrounding us and most of all by the social media which sometimes brain washes your inner thoughts and directs you to being judgmental in every aspect of your life. We assume people are out to get us, we assume people hate us, we assume people envy us, we assume people want to hurt us – like wise – we assume people are telling the truth, we assume people will be there for us when we need them, we assume people can keep our secrets, we assume people will care when something bad happens to us.  We assume good and we assume bad.  We can sometimes be right but other times very wrong.  The problem is not so much in assuming as it is in trusting blindly in what we thought.  And then we get to see the reality when we get hurt.  It is painful to feel you have been fooled.  It is disappointing when you no longer can trust anyone around you.

Assumptions and Expectations are pretty much the two concepts in one; they go hand in hand. It is not healthy for us to do either or. It is however much better to get our facts straight; to ask questions; to dig for the truth; to expect nothing from anyone; to take things as they come one day at a time, one person at a time.  No two people are the same.  No two situations are the same.  We learn from each obstacle and from each person.  It’s a hit and miss game.  One will be positive outcome, and the other will not.  If there is anything you want to expect, that is nothing stays the same, everything changes, everyone changes.  What you used to know yesterday, today is different. Likewise, who you thought you knew yesterday, today is someone else. Do not be surprised by this.

So do yourself a favor, stop expecting and stop assuming.  Live in the here and now.  Hope for the best. Try to see the best in people, but always remember, there is no guarantee in anyone or anything. You will live a much peaceful life if you follow these concepts. At least that is the conclusion I reached to after many experiences of assuming and expecting.


2 comments on “The “ASSUME” Lesson

  1. It’s in the eye of the beholder. What one person calls negative judging another will call having good principles. What one person calls expectations is what another calls good boundaries.

    I have good boundaries and I judge actions (fairly I hope). That’s how to weed out people who are going to bust your boundaries and lead you down the path of a life of actions you know are wrong.

    So you’re assuming these things are a negative when they can be positive things! Haha!


  2. Also on the boundaries theme, you never get better treatment than you expect. So if you expect you need to bust your boundaries to keep someone coming back to you, then that’s what will happen. If you expect them to shape up, they just might. And if they don’t, you’re still better off.


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