Russian Roulette

It’s funny that I started to think that falling in love is just like a Russian Roulette game. The difference is; in the Russian Roulette you can physically die, falling in love you can emotionally die. In both cases you can be finished. That’s why I say it’s funny. But it really isn’t that funny. The more I think about the similarities, the more it scares me.

We fall in love and we don’t know if it’s gonna work this time or it will end in another heartbreak. There comes a point actually when you are so afraid to open your heart again. You swear you won’t allow it to go through this pain one more time. You shield yourself, you avoid being vulnerable to anyone again, you do everything in your power to protect yourself. But one day comes, one person shows up in your life and it gives you hope that it’s possible to love again. But you quickly remember what you been through and you say to yourself: “what makes this person any different? They are all the same!!” And while there is some truth to that thought, I must say that everyone is the same at the core, yet different in the way they treat you. All it takes is the right combination, the right chemistry, the right timing, the right desires, the right experience; to make that new person, the right fit in the end. So even though it feels like you are gambling with your heart, you are playing the Russian Roulette game, there is still hope that you will skip being hurt this time around and the game will be over once and for all.

When you play the Russian roulette, once you pull the trigger, either you will live or will die. If you get an empty shell, you get a second chance to live and who knows when it’s your next turn will you be so lucky to escape death one more time or not. When you fall in love, once your heart is on the line, either you live happily ever after or you will end up with a broken heart. But it’s not over for you, you can pick up the pieces and try again. Until one time, you hit the jack pot. And even if you don’t find the right love, you get to still live and make the best of your time. So you see, as painful as it is, falling in and out of love, getting your heart broken over and over, is still better than the Russian Roulette. Wouldn’t you agree??

I know it’s not easy. We have all been hurt, let down, got broken, disappointed; you name it. But all this should not stop us from finding love again. It’s out there somewhere. We cannot give up hope. Now I’m not saying go out and look for it. All I am saying is when an opportunity comes knocking at your door, don’t slam the door in its face. You might be walking away from the best thing that would ever happen to you. You could be missing out on your break from all the agony you suffered. You just never know what you could be saying NO to. Having said that, I will also say, don’t put your heart on the line so easily. Hold your emotions a bit and be realistic. Take the time to get to know this person better and when in-doubt, follow your instincts; they are usually right. Let that person prove to you, that they deserve you. Be confident in who you are and what you have to offer and don’t sell yourself cheap. And you will know at the right time, when to let your guard down and fall in love again. Allow yourself to feel all the crazy things you missed out on. Have fun and live everyday like never before. Life is meant to be lived with love and with someone special to share it with. The more alone you are, the more you get used to it. But if you allow people in a little bit, you will be able to open up one day, you may meet the right person, and you may find the happiness you deserve.

So why not play the Russian Roulette game. But choose the one with love bullets please.

3 comments on “Russian Roulette

  1. The article is well thought out & very well written. I had not thought comparing love to Russian Roulette, but after what I just went through I’ll take Roulette. I don’t feel I have any heart or love to give another woman any more. You write about guarding your heart, well I was following my gut. Now I’m facing that problem you write about at the end outside of going to work I just want to stay in the house, alone. I would rather play real Russian Roulette, why because I’ve given up hope.

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    • My dear reader, I sympathize. I cannot tell you how to deal with a broken heart. Everyone has their own way and everyone is entitled to it. And I also cannot tell you the words that have been said to me because I know how angry I get when I hear them: “you will be ok, give it some time, you will forget, it is not the end of the world .. etc”. No one can understand the pain other than the person who went through it. We may experience similar situations, but never the same. But what I can tell you and what I am sure of is that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. And when you are ready, you will see it. In the meantime, grief, feel pain, scream, shout, cry, be angry or even feel nothing and be numb – go through all the stages you are meant to go through after being broken. It is absolutely normal. You are human. Just know you are not alone. When you need support, you will find it. When you are ready to reach out, there will always be someone out there waiting to take your hand. I believe in this with all my heart because my life is a living proof of that. I wish you the best and I hope you read more of my articles (previous ones and future ones), maybe it will help.

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      • Thank you for your words of encouragement. Your comment about “just know you are not alone”; I think that is the hardest part, because I feel empty, alone, unwanted & right now that’s all I can see for a future. Early on my heart hurt 24 / 7, now that area feels empty. I’ve joked that I could stab myself in the chest where the heart is & live. Why, because there is no heart there anymore. The only way I see myself getting better is if God in some way shows me a sign.

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