Some people find themselves in a place where they ask themselves: how did I get here? And why did I do this to myself? Did I do the right thing? And where do I go from here? These questions you ask yourself when you realize you have come at a cross road and you need answers to your current state. It’s not like you did not think things through. It’s simply a stage where you reassess your decisions and the path you have taken. You are not surprised one bit, when you find yourself doing the exact same thing, many others like you did. You escaped your reality that didn’t make you happy and you took refuge in chasing a mirage. That is called the sweetest escape.
You may call it running away. Sometimes it feels like all doors are closing in on you and when it gets too much to deal with, you find an escape route, thinking, it will all get better. The reality is, you may escape for however long you choose, but sooner or later, your past life must be dealt with one way or another. Escaping doesn’t change the circumstances or the people in your life. It is only a temporary fix to allow you to regain the strength you lost along the way. And one day, you wake up from your dream and you see that there is no better way than to confront what has pushed you to run away from the start. Some may take extreme measures in escaping their tough realities and when they are ready, they will face it, and become stronger than ever.
Some stay put in the same place and don’t go anywhere, they continue to go down the path of being lost and broken. Some overcome it with time. Some pretend there is nothing to deal with and ignore the signs, thinking, things will work itself out. Who is to say which method is better, which one is right, which way to go. There is no answer to that really. Because every person must deal with things the way they can, they way they are ready to. Each person will take a different path, but no one is better than the other. You take the path you are meant to take even when the day comes and you question it. You take the road that leads to your growth whether you hit rock bottom or straight to the top of the stairs. Who knows what our destiny is? Who knows where we are supposed to be at a certain time? The answer is: No One!!
You escape what you couldn’t handle anymore, only to reach to a point where you can escape no more. You escape from one circumstance, only to find yourself in another one, in which you want to escape from again. So when does it end? Do you keep on escaping from one circumstance to another, leaving things behind you every time you can no longer handle it. And what if you are tired of running? Do you just give up?
I say this and I know that is what many people are thinking, even myself at times. But I always remember that every path I chose led me to my personal growth. I run away sometimes. But I face it at other times. I can’t say I found the perfect balance, but I have come to an enlightenment. There are signs that I must pay attention to. There are events that take place. There are things that happen outside of my control that makes no sense at the time. But I know in my heart, all these signs and events happen because there is a change in course coming up. A change which may have to occur even when I was not planning on it or ready for it. A change is imminent for my best interest which I may not understand at the time because it is going against my own plans and desires. So I confront myself: did I know I would be here in this place a couple of years back? Could I have ever imagined I would experience all that I have? And the answer again is: not in a million years. So what makes me think I have control of the time I am meant to be here? Just because I planned on a time frame, doesn’t mean it will go the way I planned.
My new discovery is not just about whether I was ever in control over the path I chose or the timing. I discovered that I was not just running away from the circumstances that made me unhappy. I was running away from myself. And who can run away from themselves? No matter where you go, you have to deal with yourself. There is no escape from YOU!! Eventually, you will have to deal with the real issue. And it is better to face it sooner than later.
In the midst of my perplexities, I can’t help but be thankful for choosing the escape route. In this path, I met people that taught me lessons I needed to learn. I experienced things that opened my eyes to a lot of things I was blinded to. I felt emotions I never knew how to feel. I built relationships along the way, some may remain with me for a very long time. I got to appreciate what I once had. I got to understand the true meaning of life. I found myself along the way again. I found a new and improved me with scars and marks that will remain with me as a reminder of the roads I travelled. I created beautiful memories that I will take with me wherever I go. Most of all, I found a strength that I was searching for to overcome my fears and to face the hardships I have been battling for many years. And I have come to peace with the fact that I do not have all the answers now, in time; it will come.
All that I have learned and all that I have experienced; was meant for me. I do not doubt for one second, that I am not where I am supposed to be. Similarly, I do not doubt; when my time is done here, I will go. My sweetest escape has turned into the sweetest lesson of my life. I will be forever grateful.