Roller Coaster Thoughts

Ever felt your thoughts are riding on a roller coaster: up, down, sideways. Ever think you are driving yourself crazy with your thinking. Ever feel pain from thinking too much. Well, I have. I thought I might share with you my experience on the subject.

There are days when I actually don’t understand myself. There are days when I think I got it all figured out. I know what I want and what I don’t want. I know what makes me happy. I know what is good for me. I have gone through many things in life that nothing surprises me anymore. I have definitely been going on a roller coaster ride, for as long as I can remember. Although it is mostly memories that I now carry with me. Some I smile about, some I shake my head at the thought of it, and some I may get a tear or two. I admit I take things to heart too much sometimes. But this is me. What can I do. I can only be me. And ‘me’ is on a roller coaster all the time. Is it that I’m still trying to figure things out? Or is it that I keep making wrong decisions? Or is it just life and I am meant to go through all of this including the process and the roller coaster.

So what happens as I go on this roller coaster ride. To simply put it, what I loved today, I don’t end up loving tomorrow. What I wanted today, I don’t end up wanting tomorrow. I question my choices. I question my decisions, whether they are serious or not. For me, everything is a big deal and I stress myself on making the right choice that I end up making the wrong ones at times. You can say, I think too much. And what pisses me off, is that some people in my life accuse me of not thinking at all; little do they know my sleepless nights. And I find myself constantly defending my actions and trying to explain myself. I learned with time, not to let their opinion of how I live my life affect me. It stresses me, it hurts me, it frustrates the hell out of me, but doesn’t affect the actual decision. In the end, I do what I want. I do what I am comfortable with at the time, whether right or wrong in peoples’ opinions. It’s my life. And I am the one living it.

Living according to other people expectations will not bring you peace and it will not bring you happiness or self fulfillment. You must be true to yourself; follow your dreams, fight for what you want, no matter what. Those same people who criticize you and your decisions, they got to make their own one day. Their opinion is simply their opinion. Their failures are theirs and their successes are also theirs. Now it’s your turn to make your failures along with your successes. Nothing wrong with listening to people’s advice. Nothing wrong with having people with experiences tell you their story. It is now up to you to learn what you are ready for, to apply what you need and to follow what you desire.

So don’t allow anyone to make you feel stupid because you changed your mind about something. Don’t let anyone stress you when you are making decisions that in the end will affect you and only you. Even as I say those words, I realize I need to take with my own advice more often. As I fall in the trap of having to constantly explain why I do what I do to everyone around me. So what if my thoughts are on a roller coaster ride. So what if I change my mind. So what if I want to make changes. I don’t owe anyone any explanation. Neither do you. I like my roller coaster. It’s fun. It’s life.

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