There are many confusions on the definition of being a man. And the confusion is happening with both men and women. And no I am not even talking about the choice of being straight or gay. It’s about what women think what a real man is. And what men think about themselves. With no intention on my part to insult or belittle any man, please understand this is simply an opinion based on personal experience and many observations with real life stories. So what makes a man – “A MAN”

First of all, a real man does not have to try hard to be one. He does not feel the need to prove that he is one and he most definitely does not get offended by any remarks because he is secure in himself and he knows who he is. A MAN in this world is a rare thing. We got bunch of wanna-bees, pretenders and fakes. And you know who you are. If you are getting offended already, then maybe it’s time to do some soul-searching.

A lot of women are fooled and blinded by men because of two main factors. One: lack of education and Two: lack of experience. We can work on at least the education part, as for experience; it comes with time. The misconception about men originated from long ago. In those old days, a woman’s role was to be a housewife and have babies. She depended on her man to provide her with pretty much everything. From the roof over her head to feeling safe and secure. And in those days, men knew that women needed them to survive and they took advantage of women’s weaknesses and vulnerability. They got used to getting away with pretty much anything. They didn’t have to treat their women with respect, even more they felt they had to be rough with them to the point of beating them in order to keep their place of power. And they abused that power for so long till this day. And even though times have changed, women fought for their rights, gained their place in society and stood equal to men. It’s unfortunate that some men still exercise their need for superiority over women and even more sad that some women are falling victims to that. And those men think they are actually ‘REAL MEN’.

Story of a man who thinks he needs to be a macho man all the times so he can prove to the world he is a man. Once upon a time there was this guy who grew up in a simple family that ended up with separation. And when he got the chance, he left this environment searching for something different, searching for himself. He struggles along the way but he does his best to overcome the obstacles. He gets pushed to the limits to the point where he looses everything and finds himself alone. He experiences a big blow when everything he worked hard for collapses right before his eyes. But one day, he gets back on his feet and gets stronger everyday never giving up on his dreams. These are all great characteristics in a man.  He perseveres, and works hard till he achieves success all on his own.  What an inspiring story. But this man has a problem and that is; he is never satisfied. He is always hungry for more. His ambition may bring him success but his need to prove he is strong and in control at all times; that he does not need anybody to survive, causes him to forget to love and appreciate the precious gifts in his life. Will he ever wake up one day and try to find that balance?

Story of a man who wants to be a man and thinks he is one but is incapable of leaving the boy in him behind. So there is this guy who thinks just because he is a certain age, he should be respected as a real man. Meanwhile, his actions and his decisions or lack-thereof does not manifest his maturity or ‘Manhood’. He lives  in fear and he is scared to take any step forward because he is afraid of what’s to come. It is because he constantly disappoints those around him and repeatedly falls short of people’s expectations, that he got used to failure and stopped believing in himself.  All he is good at is being defensive when confronted with his reality, denying he has a problem, blames everyone around him including life itself. And when pushed too far he yells and screams that he is not a child. Yet, everything he says and does indicates he has not grown up. Clearly, this man is in conflict with himself, he has a lot of issues to work out. And the first step is to admit he has a problem. He may be a great person, with lots of potential in being a real man but as it stands he has the age of a ‘man’ but his behavior is still child-like. When will he ever grow up?

Story of a man who is a boy trying to live in the shoes of a real man but is only capable of talking and no walking the talk. There is this guy who comes across as the most confident person as he plays it cool. He is young by age, but seems to be more mature than his age.  He doesn’t say too much, but when he speaks, his actions do not match up.  He doesn’t reveal too much about himself, and he does not allow anyone to get too close. He runs every time he needs to ‘man up’. He acts as if he knows who he is and what he wants. He has no control over his life as he does nothing but wait to see where life will take him. He makes no effort to maintain a relationship because his confidence in himself has gone too far to the border line of being ‘cocky’. He thinks he is a ‘MAN’. He had things handed over to him and he didn’t have to work hard to get the things he wanted. Maybe he was lucky in many circumstances. But his problem is he does not know how to work hard to keep something that is valuable to him, that is if he knows what is actually valuable. He wants to hangout with people older than him, he feels people his age are not good enough for him, yet he cannot keep up with those more mature than him, When time comes for him to prove his maturity, he cannot deliver, because simply he is just not ready yet. So why go after something that is too much to handle. Will he ever learn to live according to his capabilities?

These are real life stories, they are some examples of the men out there. Of course there are Real Men with great qualities and successful relationships. It’s unfortunate that a woman may have to meet ten unstable ‘Men’ before finding the right one. Lessons learned: you cannot soften a man who wants to be tough with the world. And you cannot change a man into growing up and be ready to face the world. Likewise, you cannot depend on a boy who claims to be a man, as you will end up with only words and no action.

You are not a man because you wear a pink shirt or pink tie saying I’m confident in my masculinity. That’s not a real measure of a man. You are also not a man just because you open the door for a lady or pay the bill for dinner. You are a man when your words are backed up by your actions. When you live up to your promises and don’t make any if you know you can’t. When you know you are wrong, you apologize. When you make mistakes you admit them and do your best to correct them. You are a MAN simply by the way you carry yourself, the way you treat others, the way you speak with others, and mostly by the way you respect yourself.

My advise to women who are still searching for the right man. You will know you have found the right man to spend the rest of your life with: When he holds you in his arms as you cry and he wipes your tears away. When he loves you even when you are angry. When he supports you when you are at your weakest. When he lifts you up when you are down. When he guides you when you are lost. When you can depend on him totally and completely, knowing he will handle things, he will take care of business and you can finally relax and let it go. When he reveals to you his deepest fears and becomes vulnerable with you. When he doesn’t need to show off in front of you. When he is himself with you totally and completely. You will not find all the perfect things you want in one man of course. Let’s be realistic. No man is perfect. You will find a combination of characteristics that suits only you. But you can find it. You just have to be patient and not settle for less. Women, don’t be fooled by the superficial indications of what a man is. And Men, don’t fool yourselves, or others along with you. Those balls you have don’t make you a ‘Man’.

Note:
No offense intended for anyone – I’m just stating a point of view.