STOP … And Ask Yourself

We read all those beautiful motivational quotes and posts. We watch those inspirational clips and we read many encouraging and educational thoughts. But when it comes to applying it, we find out how hard it really is. It’s one thing to repeat those words, it’s another to live them.

I am constantly surrounding myself with these things. My walls can vouch for that. Each corner has something that speaks to me. Everywhere my head turns, there is some sort of a quotation. At times, I read them, other times, I get so used to them being there that my eyes don’t even read what’s written. Sometimes I find myself reading it monotonously, other times I am drowned into its meaning immensely. And I wonder if I am truly living what I have embraced in thoughts and ideas.  And I realized one day as I was passing by one of my wall plaques; that I am truly struggling between the theory of what I believe and its application in life. So I ask myself: why??

I’m sad to say, the answer is mainly fear, followed by lack of discipline, and distraction. I would say these are the top three reasons why I don’t live my life the way I believe. There is so much I keep saying I want to do and I empathize on its importance and I put deadlines to push myself; still I procrastinate and I find excuses. I’m really scared to follow these teachings because I feel I might lose a lot in the process. That’s when It hits me, I’m actually loosing myself and what I stand for.

What do I stand for really? Why I keep going back and forth between the person I want to be and the person I have been. As for the person that’s here now, is one that’s lost and confused about many things. Mostly about finding that balance and about following my calling. Even if the answers have been starring me right in the face, I’m sure as hell I have been blind to it or worse; avoiding it because I’m afraid.

So then I say, what’s the purpose of having all these motivational quotes around me if I’m not gonna follow. What’s the point in saying all the right things and having all the right plans but nothing gets done. Why did I even come across all those teachings. There must be a reason. It must be fate that brought all this my way. My path lies in the hands of those teachings. And my destiny lies in the hands of my actions or lack thereof. It’s up to me in the end, to find the strength within; to confront those fears, to eliminate the distractions and find my focus; to be disciplined enough to follow through what I had intended to do.

This is when my favorite quote comes to my mind once again and wakes me up:

god grant me the serenity

I dissect this verse and I repeat it over and over. Each time I read it. I understand my life a bit better. It’s like an epiphany. Now it’s time to make some changes, to come to terms with certain realities and above all to believe in myself once again. Thank you Lord for your mercy. Thank you for your love. And thank you for your guidance.

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