They wonder why I do the things I do. They question my sanity sometimes. They ask me if I know what I’m getting myself into. They sometimes warn me of what’s to come and I still do it anyway.
“They”; are my closest friends, acquaintances, people I meet along the way. These people in my life come and go, and they come at the right time and say the right things to me; as it is all part of the master plan of my life … My destiny. And so when they wonder, I might not like it at the moment. However, I find myself wondering too. And so I ask myself the same questions: why do I do the things I do? Why am I going on this path? Why do I repeat the same mistakes? Why does it feel like I’m in a cycle I can’t get out of? So here I am admitting that I wonder about myself! My question to you today, my readers, Do you wonder too? And if you do, what good comes out of it. And if you don’t, why aren’t you? The real question is: what are you scared of?
Personally, I’m not scared to find out my mistakes. I embrace them. I’m not afraid to admit them. I hate it when I fail at something but still not afraid to say I failed, because deep down I know I will try again. And the next time I will do better. I can’t dare look at someone and give them advice about anything, if I’m not ready to receive the same. In order to tell someone they were wrong, I must be able to admit I am too.
And so I wonder, just like the people in my life do, and some tell me so; why do I make those decisions. What pushes me to go down a certain road. What is it that drives me. Why can’t I just be the way most people are: accepting what life throws at me, staying down and believing this is what’s meant. Why do I keep changing direction and each time I go to an unknown path, it leads me back to what I have been running from. I wonder too.
And the answer one early morning came to me, the answer presented itself to my wondering mind: I AM A FIGHTER. I was born to fight my way through this life. I was made of balls of emotions in order to be able to survive whatever is going to come at me. I was made resilient even when it seems I’m breaking down. I was designed to be noticed and remembered. I was destined to go through many trials and hardships. I was born for all of this. And the moment I truly accept this blessing, I will stop wondering. I will just be. And nothing anyone says will matter. Because I will be on a level of being that only few might understand.
And so when people ask why do you do these things, my answer is: Because that is who I am. I choose the most challenging paths to conquer, I put myself in the most difficult situations to endure, I test my every emotion that exists within me to be complete. It is simply who I am.
If I never went through most of the hardships I went through, I would never know what I’m truly made of. If I never pushed myself to the limits, I would never know how far I can go. If I never made any mistakes along my journey, I would never learn the right from the wrong. It was all necessary. It was all destined to happen. It was all part of the big master plan of my life, that I still don’t know where it is taking me.
And so it starts by wondering and it continues into believing then it ends into knowing until it reaches to being. So wonder, question and make mistakes. It’s in each one of us to get to the final step of being. But it is up to each individual to want to get there. Find the fighter in you, it’s there. And if you are not ready, don’t force it, it will come to you at the right time in the right way. Maybe not this lifetime.