Men and their dirty games

Let me start by saying, both men and women can play dirty games in relationships. They both make mistakes. There are good men out there but there is also bad. There are bad women out there just as good. But today, I would like to focus on one particular kind; the bad men or should I say, the men that like to play games for various reasons, be it their personality type or trying to be cool or simply just not ready for commitment. 

So this is how it looks at times; Men are playing women for fools. It is now up to each woman to see right through her man’s games. It’s a crazy world out there when it comes to relationships. Every one is playing games. Some win, some lose. Some didn’t really want to play, but found themselves in the game. And some thrive on these games. It’s the core of their existence whether it’s intentional or subconsciously done. Doesn’t matter to be honest, in the end, a game is a game. So let’s play.

Maybe it sounds harsh, but the reality is that many women find themselves in situations where they can see things clearly. Men do play games. Men lie. Men cheat. Men lead you on. Men tell you what you wanna hear just to keep you a little longer while they had no intention of getting serious with you. Some make empty promises while some don’t say a thing, they just charm you and keep you fooled. It’s not totally their fault, women choose to believe in their bullshit and convince themselves that it will all work out.

Men are scared of commitment. Men are comfortable with just living with you and playing the game of being husband and wife but they will not want to make it official. Some may say, well it’s the woman’s fault for allowing him to take her for granted. In some cases, perhaps there is some truth to the statement but not in all cases. Women try to be super understanding and super patient. They give chance after chance. They will wait and hope men will wake up and realize what they will be missing, but some men never wake up. Even the best of men can do things that make them look bad. These Men are lost or confused or even worse; traumatized by a previous experience. And even though they never intend on playing with women’s hearts, they end up doing it anyways. They feel trapped, no choice in the matter. It’s either they subject themselves to heartbreak when they never really got over the first one or play the necessary games; say just the right things to keep the relationship going. In the mean time, the intention is never to reach to the part where they become vulnerable again. It’s a defense mechanism. There is no right or wrong in this. Both men and women get hurt, each have their own way of dealing with it or in some cases, not deal with it and go in a cycle of failed relationships and game playing and finger pointing to whose fault it is.

Men like to have their cake and eat it too. They want a woman to take care of them but they also want to live like they are single, no real commitment, no burden. Men want to put some rules on what you can do and who you can have relationships with, but they can’t stand it if you do the same. Oh yes, the double standard still exists, not sure it will ever go away, as long as the man keeps giving himself the right to be superior. “I can do this because I am the Man.” Hah! Don’t let me start on that. That’s another subject all together.

Men want to continue living the same way with you as they were single, but they claim you are one team. It’s amazing how they pick and choose when to use the term: “but we are not married”. Pow, slap on the face. They accuse you of trying to control them as soon as you ask them to get out of their comfort zone and change some of their bad habits. The thing is, they never thought it was bad to begin with. They think just because they have been doing it for years, then it is ok. Men will continue to fight you on every little thing. Just because they won’t accept that someone else is in their personal space. They say they are ready to be with you forever, but really, they are not. Their words are constantly contradicting their actions. And if they follow through once or twice, they won’t last to the third.

And just to get the game to a more dirty level, they use things you said or did against you and dangle the marriage card in your face. “You see, this is why I am saying, we are not ready for marriage, you have to stop asking me to do these things if you want us to get married” or “I never told you to wait for me to be ready, I didn’t put a gun to your head, that was your choice. You can’t blame me, I never promised you anything.” Who has not heard those words. Raise your hand if you heard it more than once. Ok. I can’t see your hands but I’m imagining.

It is inevitable that Men will fuck up – excuse my language. At one point they will slip. Somehow, someway. Even the most loyal, and faithful. The one you thought may never hurt you. One day, they will. And when that happens, you must be prepared. Are you willing to forgive. Are you willing to put it past you and move on. Or will you just torture yourself for months and maybe years, trying to forget; trying to let it go. The question every woman should ask herself: is he worth it???  Not ask: do I love him??  Those two questions are kind of the same, yet different in context.

I’m not saying anticipate infidelity, but be prepared that everything is possible. No one is immune and we are not saints. Don’t make the same mistake that in fact we all do: “he’s different from all the other men I ever met. He would never cheat on me. He loves me.”  X buzzer sounds. There is no such thing. Come back to reality. Yes, when you meet the right person, there is a very good chance he will be faithful to you forever. But that’s just it, it’s a CHANCE, not a guarantee. Sorry to tell you, but as different as this man is, the same he actually is. Same body parts that make them do what they do, feel what they feel, justify things to themselves and you know where I am going with this. The only difference is their self-control. Not how much they love you per say. A lot of men I know loved their women very much but they still slipped. Why? Lack of self-control / moment of weakness / fantasies / temporary problems at home / influence of alcohol / whatever other excuse you wanna give for not having self-control and a clear head to think of the consequences of ones actions. And that’s all I am going to say about it.

Those who are truly ready and understand the meaning of commitment and marriage and the things that go with it; those who are not afraid to make changes in their life, they will speak loudly with their actions. They will just do it, not keep talking about it. Those who talk a lot, you don’t see much action from them. And I have to say to those women, open your eyes to their games. They are not ready. Maybe not with you anyway or possibly NEVER. So how long are you willing to wait? Till your chances of being a mother is robbed from you? They don’t worry about those things, it’s not their problem. Men’s time-line will never match a woman’s time-line. You see, you are the only one who has to look out for herself and the right thing to do in these cases is to actually walk away. As difficult as it will be. Don’t wait till the time passes then play the blame game. It won’t bring back time and it won’t change a thing. Men won’t change no matter what you say or do. And rightfully so. Men have the right to want what they want. But men should be honest about it from the start and don’t play games. You can play games too, but you are gambling with precious years of your life.

You should know this: You can never change a man – EVER. Take him as he is or leave him. You can never make a man ready for marriage by showing him what he will get – You don’t need to sell yourself. You can never make a man love you. If he doesn’t see what he has on his own, if he doesn’t appreciate you or value you as the person you are, then he never will. And that’s not because you are not valuable or something is wrong with you. Simply they just don’t see you, they don’t feel you or perhaps you are too much for them, they can’t handle being with someone as precious as you, so they get scared and they run.

All this means, wait for the right one to see you and feel you. The one who will know what he’s got. He is out there ladies. No matter how long it takes, he will find you. Let him find you. Don’t ever settle for less, don’t ever give up, and don’t play those dirty games that Men play. Let them go play with someone else. But you – YOU deserve better. YOU ARE Better.

 

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