Some say all you need is love. Love is everything. All the rest can be worked out. And some say, love is important but you need compatibility more and love can come with time. While some might say, you need respect, honesty, trust and loyalty and love will come if you have those ingredients to start. Many views on what’s the most important thing for a successful relationship. And each person has their opinion based on what’s important to them. And each person is right. So do you think all you need is love?
From my personal experience, I will tell you love is very important. But for a relationship to grow into marriage and a lifetime commitment, you do need other things alongside love to make it work. The equation becomes very complicated and it almost seems that without this you can’t have this and if you have that but not this, then it will be missing this. It’s all intertwined.
To be honest, you need to have a bit of everything in order for a relationship to work. Maybe one characteristic will be dominant and that will be the thing you always rely on when things go up and down. It’s usually the thing that brought you together from the start. It will remain the solid foundation for the relationship while you work on balancing the rest.
You need love, I really can’t imagine how you can continue being with someone and putting up with their imperfections if you didn’t have love. And you need trust, I really can’t see how you can have a life with someone you love, yet questioning and doubting and being suspicious all the time. Your love will get affected at some point.
And with trust comes honesty. If you are honest, you expect the other person to be honest as well. It’s only fair. Why should you always wonder if they are telling you everything or keeping things from you. Not necessarily lying to you, but simply not telling you everything and being transparent. That makes you wonder if the person truly loves you. Because if they did, why aren’t they sharing their true thoughts and feelings with you. Why are they keeping you in the dark. And you have to find out things by coincidence. The love will get questioned that’s for sure.
So you can say a million I love yous but if you are not showing respect to the person you claim to love, then the love will die. No respect = no love. It’s simple.
Love is not by giving me flowers every time you hurt me. Love is not saying “I’m sorry” a million times, “I didn’t mean it”, followed by excuses as to why you behaved this way. Saying sorry for doing the same thing over and over will eventually be worn out and not believed any longer. Too many “I’m sorry” is not a good sign. Because this indicates the person doesn’t think before they act. They don’t consider the consequences. They don’t have enough respect for the person they love. They think it’s ok, I will just say sorry, buy a gift and some flowers and I will be forgiven. They take it for granted because they are so sure that love is there and all will be forgiven. As always. Little do they know, one of these times, it will be the last. And even the love you had, won’t save you anymore. By then, it will be too little; too late to change.
You may think physical attraction is the most important thing along with sexual compatibility. For that, I have to say, yes it’s very important because if you are not able to connect on an intimate level, no amount of respect and honesty you share will fulfill you. You will not be happy without that intimacy. The important thing though is not to focus intimacy purely on sexuality. Intimacy is by sharing your feelings. It’s by allowing yourselves to know each other very well. To be in-tuned with one another. To feel each other’s pain and happiness. To know what the other person need without having to say it in words. To speak with your eyes and body language. What a feeling it is to have this intimacy. To be best friends, each other’s confidants, each other’s rock.
Be careful not to mix up needing each other versus being totally dependent on one another. Never lose your independence when you are in a relationship. The moment that happens, you become a burden and at times suffocating your partner with your neediness. Maintaining your dependent self is healthy for yourself and for the relationship. Don’t ever make that mistake.
Having said that, we all need to feel we can count on our partner. And that is okay. Because we need to feel safe and protected. It’s nice to have that feeling. You can finally breath and say: I’m okay. I got someone who has my back. How nice it is.
So you see, whatever your perception is, whatever your needs may be, and no matter what you went through in life; you need love. Along with the rest of the package, in order for you to have a successful and happy relationship.