I miss you

I miss my best friend, I miss my soul mate. I miss the one person whom I have always been able to run to when things get crazy. I miss the one person that understood me with one look. I miss our unique style of communication.  I miss that peaceful feeling I get when I am so close to your heart. Yes, I miss you dearly.

I miss our laughs and our crazy talks. I miss how time goes by and we seem to be in a different planet all together. I miss everything about you, even the things that annoyed me.  I cannot shake you out of my mind or heart for that matter. I cannot forget you. I do not like it that I have to go on living my life without you in it.  Although I have learned to live without you and life truly doesn’t stop because of it.  It does go on. We can all live without one another. But the quality of that life will not be the same.  As a matter of fact, I can continue to live without you, but I choose to fight for you because I do, always have, and always will Love you.

We can all find ways to distract ourselves and we can succeed very well at it. We convince ourselves of our new reality and we force ourselves to accept it. Some of us may never look back and move on. While some are not able to even if they seem to on the surface.  Some emotions run so deep that eventually will come out whether you are aware of it or not. So why ignore those feelings and why suppress them.  Why second guess yourself, when it is obvious that you haven’t let it go, contrary to what you believed you did. When you have so much signs in your face telling you to go for it, fight for it, don’t give up.

The struggle is deep as you have these conversations with your inner-self.  One side says “yes”, the other says “no”. You don’t know which one to side with, which one to follow; which one is right.  And so my torment is in what is right? Not what is right for me – rather – what is right for the other person. Is it better for them that I let them be? How will I ever know that they are happier without me? What if they are waiting for me to reach out? And what if reaching out brings back a pain they had struggled to put behind? Million questions go in your mind when you are truly tormented about what is the right thing to do, especially when you really care about this person.

Then there is the fear of rejection. No one likes that idea very much. I admit, those fears are there. I am working on overcoming them. I don’t want to get hurt again either. But as a dear friend of mine reminded me: “What’s one more hurt, if it isn’t for someone special who is truly deserving to fight for?”

So I contemplate and analyze the situation and I realized, this is probably another big lesson I am meant to learn in this lifetime. One, I had no idea would be involving my purest of relationships. In addition, this is one person that came into my life years ago and I knew that it is a lifetime thing. Whether the presence is a physical or spiritual one, that is yet to be seen. In the end, I don’t doubt in the unbreakable bond and in the unspoken words. I have no doubt that just as I am missing you, my dearest, you are missing me too. And just as much as I am thinking of you, you are thinking of me too. I know it. I feel it. Even if you never speak to me again.

I am reaching out to you, because you mean to me more than words could ever say. In God’s hands I let this be.  I will follow the path the universe guides me to; and wherever that may lead me. I will practice as I preach and I will listen to the voice within.

My best friend, my soul mate, my deepest love, I call out to you. I miss you.

 

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