Endless Goodbyes

Inspired by personal losses and heartbreaking stories, I got to thinking one day, how our goodbyes don’t seem to end. As a matter of fact, they start in our early years as we just begin our lives. And we experience goodbyes constantly. It’s just that we only recognize a few because perhaps we can’t handle them all.

Not all Goodbyes mean death and leaving the physical world that we have come to be attached to. But we can say goodbye to people that we may never see again for other reasons. And we can say goodbye to our home country and never step foot into it again. And on a deeper level, we can say goodbye to bad habits and unhealthy lifestyle and negative people and unsatisfying jobs. The list goes on and on.

Let me take you on a quick journey of my life, where I had to say countless goodbyes. Some felt like it broke me to pieces. I thought I would never recover from it. Here I am talking about it.

Without going into super details, my first goodbye that my memory recalls is my aunt and my baby cousin immigrating and leaving the whole family behind back home. My heart was ripped out. I was so young. And I was so attached. Little did I know, this was just the beginning of more heartbreak. Then there was my transitioning from preparatory school to high school. All my friends I have known, gone, just like that. Then came the moment that I believe changed the course of my life forever; my family immigrating, saying goodbye to all my loved ones and going to reunite with my baby cousin in an unknown country, new school, new friends. Graduation came and once again say goodbye to your school, your friends and that innocent life we lived. Then came one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make and I separated myself from my family in order to discover myself. It was something I had to do, else I wouldn’t be who I am today.

This tragic goodbye hurt very deeply. The scars from it run deep, but soon I learned that it could actually get worse. From this point on, I got to experience real life. I was sheltered before. I was living in a bubble. Those changes and moves were somewhat common. What follows are some of the most heartbreaking goodbyes I lived. I moved countries again, lived a different life, said more goodbyes and had to leave people behind I loved dearly. I returned, recovered some of my lost connections, just to lose some more. Friendship gains and losses, I lost count. Jobs changed very often and in each more goodbyes. Relationships, some serious, some not so serious, but each time a part of me was broken. Even my fish, it too left me. I cried over my fishies.

Until the climax of my events occurred, a big change happened that once again changed the course of my life. Another move to another country, this time all alone. Now I had to say goodbye to all the people I love. I was broken, but deep down I knew I will be back. New job, new place to live, new friends, new lifestyle. And the new and exciting became old and weary. When it got very heavy, it was time to leave and come home to my family and friends that I missed so much. But now I have built strong friendships and I must say goodbye to them to, not knowing when will I ever see them again. Promises we make, but I knew life wouldn’t be so easy. I lived this already and by now I know.

All these goodbyes were mostly done by choice or at least the circumstances led to it. There are those goodbyes, however, in which you don’t have much of a say. The ones that happen and you are not even there to say goodbye. Yes; Death. This thing that takes away people from our lives whom we love so much. We are attached to people we love, even though we know deep down, we all have a day in which we go from this life and into a better place. And I had to experience three of those goodbyes in the span of six years. They all happened while I was away. They all broke me. A part of me died along with them. My love for each person was different because my story with each of them is different. But I lived through them. And I never forgot them. I accept they are in a better place. I just really miss them.

And so here I am, recognizing all my goodbyes. The silly ones and the meaningful ones. I lived each one of those experiences. I hurt every time. And I recovered every time. And so I am comforted in knowing that I am able to endure the losses and the painful goodbyes. The ones I inflict upon myself and the ones I have no control over. This is life. It has many ‘Goodbyes’. Just as it has many ‘Hellos’. Endless, indeed they are. Your last goodbye however, you will be the one saying it and you won’t feel any pain after.

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