A very interesting question, isn’t it?? Makes you think what is meant by that. Who is sitting in the driver seat? Who is the one driving? Who is the one in charge? In other words, to sum things up; Who is in control? That can apply to many things in our lives including the concept of actually driving a vehicle. You can take the sentence in a literal form or metaphorically. In this case as I write about it, it is a metaphor.
Furthermore, to be specific in my intent about this statement, I am referring to relationships; with marriage in particular.
Let’s look at every relationship we know including ones we are in. You will find, it is inevitable that there is one side driving the relationship, steering its course, in charge of it so to speak. It is not necessarily due to strength and weakness philosophy. It could be done willingly believe it or not.
The beginning of any relationship has these components if I may say. There is struggle for power. Indeed there is. One will be more of a leader and one will be the follower. In some cases, it works perfectly fine. Each know their role, they are aware of it and they are satisfied. No complaints, no resistance, no hard feelings. They accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses and go through life together as a driver and passenger.
Other cases, you may have the pilot and co-Pilot. They work together equally. But one will always take the lead. However it’s not always the same one. They alternate, they take turns. They allow each other the chance to lead and they step back fully trusting the lead of the other. It sounds like a perfect scenario, doesn’t it? And this does exist. Maybe you haven’t seen it. But it does exist.
Then you have those relationships where one is fighting constantly to be in power when they are lacking so much of everything to allow them to be. But they seem as if they are strong. Big mouth only. They talk talk talk. And raise their voice. And walk out on you to prove their point. They are in charge – as if. They believe they know everything when in fact they know nothing. And their partner will either succumb to this and just go with the flow and ride that roller coaster or they will fight back and ride those bumping cars all the way.
You have those who are naturally weak. They may be the kindest people you meet. But they end up choosing a partner that rides them their whole life. They may recognize it, and accept it willingly. And they might choose to be blinded to the reality and convince themselves it isn’t so. In the end, they allow it. Maybe they feel that’s what they need. Maybe they will grow out of it some day, perhaps after years of being controlled and directed. And maybe when they realize it, it will be too late so they just accept it.
Then you have this weird combination which I have witnessed in several examples. It is sad actually. You have a couple who found themselves together making a life. One will be the strong one intellectually and emotionally. And the other will be overpowering somehow. Imposing what they think is right and making so much noise about how they want things to be. In some cases, it may turn abusive. Not necessarily physically, but verbally and mentally. Yes, it is possible to be loving, caring and in the next minute their dark side comes out. It does exist. The intellectual partner will try to make a balance. At times, go along and at times try to do things the way they believe is best. Little by little, the intellectual one loses the battle and becomes absorbed with the bullshit of the controlling partner. In order to keep the boat floating, the person changed themselves and lost who they are in the process. Now we have a mold of the messed up, overpowering, noise-making, not so intellectual partner. The one who was strong originally, allowed themselves to be weak by their fear and corrupted beliefs. And what is worse, they don’t even see it.
Each example will live with the consequences of their choices, whatever that might be. Each have chances along their journey to change things around or walk away if it is too toxic and hopeless to change. If they are not confident enough in themselves, they will keep giving their partner excuses and continue to be blinded that they are being controlled. It’s their choice at the end of the day. If they choose to hold on to fear. If they choose to live in a fantasy world. If they choose to sugar coat their reality and refuse to see it as it is. It’s all their choice. And it’s also their journey. They may learn from it. And they may not. They may come out of it stronger. And they may never come out of it. That’s their destiny.
One thing I know for sure from observing all those examples in my life. I know who I am. And I know which seat I want to be sitting in. And I recognize when I switch seats, whether willingly or wake up and find myself moved. I choose to surrender power. And I choose when I need to drive. This is my life after all. No one else’s.
Don’t you agree??? Take an honest look at your relationships now. Be real. Which seat are you in? And are you comfortable in that seat? Is it you? If it isn’t, do something about it. If it is, then enjoy your ride.