There is no need to sugar coat things or walk on egg shells with this subject. Let’s call it what it is and have no fear. If you cheat on the person you professed your undying love to, you are an a** hole. And that goes for both sexes. There are no excuses for this type of behavior. You Messed up bad. And I use the term ‘messed up’ as a less vulgar word than the one I really want to say. The question here remains; If you cheat on me, does that mean you don’t love me??
It’s a debatable point of view. Each person loves in their own way. And each person’s definition of love is different. Believe it or not, what means love to you, isn’t for the next person. People create for themselves what they think love means to them based on their own needs. And at times based on their own troubles and unrealistic desires. People create high expectations for each other to live up to, in order to fulfill their happiness. They depend on it. And since this was unrealistic from the start, we get disappointed time and time again. And we go in a circle of blaming each other, judging, and executing sentences left right and centre. And we feel entitled and vindicated in doing so. After all, we have been wronged! Right!
However, from the perspective of the person who cheated, it’s not fair. So they say. They don’t want to see how it looks like to the person they hurt. They have simple justifications and they don’t want to feel like a piece of s**t. They may admit their mistake or deny it in some cases, lie about it and make it even worse than it already is. It’s not bad enough that you allowed yourself to be in this position, no you go out of your way to f**k up even more. Lie after lie after lie. Each one to cover up the other one and before you know it, you don’t know what is the truth anymore. Until one day, you get caught. Your lies have a way of coming out when you least expect them to. You thought you were so smart and good at this. Think again. This has nothing to do with smartness. This is karma.
And so the big question remains, how can you say you love me and be so sweet with me, when you are f**king behind my back – literally!! Does it make a difference it was just the one time or more than once. If the cheating was with one person or others. What does this say about the cheater? Why such behaviour?
The one who got cheated on; will say: You have the audacity to look me in the eye and say ‘I love you’. You don’t love me. You don’t even know what love is. How could you do this to me? You must be sick in the head. And you think I should forgive you and give you another chance? Why? So you can do it again.
The cheater will respond: I made a mistake – sorry. I’m human. We all make mistakes. I forgive you all the time for your mistakes, why can’t you do same for me. / I love you, you are the one I want. The other person doesn’t mean anything to me. / you pushed me to this point, look at the way you nag me all the time. / you don’t give me the attention I need. / I didn’t do it, I swear, this is all in your imagination, what proof do you have? / you misunderstood, there is nothing going on. / I was wrong, please forgive me. Don’t throw away everything we have because if one stupid mistake that didn’t mean anything; give me a chance to prove my love for you.
This is classic. If you heard all these scenarios before, well; you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t. I’m sorry to present to you a glimpse of what really happens out there. And that’s actually a tamed dialogue. It can get much worse. You would be surprised what people resort to saying and doing in these situations. People can get crazy and behave in ways you can never think they were capable of. But when you are hurt like that. When you feel your heart is broken. Everything you knew; gets thrown out the window. Everything you believed in; no longer makes sense. Everything you once felt, gets tainted, ruined even at times detested.
When you are so hurt and it sinks in that the person you gave your heart to, could cheat on you, lie to you, disrespect you, disregard your feelings, belittles you, destroys the beautiful relationship you had … and so much more – you start to question everything. Did this person ever love me? Was it all a lie? Did I live a lie from the start? How could I be so stupid? How could I be so blind? Why did the person I love so much do that; am I not good enough? Is there something wrong with me? Or is this person sick in the head? Did they not appreciate everything I have done? Do I mean that little to my love!? No – he/she is not my love. I can’t love someone who would do that to me. They don’t love me.
In the end, we conclude that they don’t love us; perhaps never did. And we erase every beautiful thing ever experienced together; all because this person cheated on us.
I’m not saying it’s right or wrong. We are entitled to our feelings and opinions for that matter. Each person has the right to look at their own situation and judge it based on their reality. No one can know the depth of your relationship other than you. And no one can tell you how to feel or not feel. What you need to do though; is be fair to yourself and the person you love or once loved if you no longer feel you can make it work.
I will tell you something though, love is not a button you press. There is no ON and OFF button you press when you feel like it. It took time to be in this love and grow into it. It will also take time to get out of this love and grow out of it. It will be a struggle. It will be torment. It will not be as easy as ‘Do I stay or do I go’. It takes a lot of will power to make the final decision and to stick to it, whichever way you choose. But if you choose to forgive and stay; don’t let your Ego rule your life. If you say you can forgive and move on, do it fully; not half a**. And if you tried and thought you could but you can’t, then you can’t. So get out of it. It’s not healthy for either of you. The one mistake we all do, is keep punishing the person who hurt us over and over again for the mistake they did. We don’t let go as we claim we do. We hold on to grudges even though we claim we are not. Be honest with yourself. If it’s broken and you can’t fix it, leave. End it before it ends you.
In addition, don’t go questioning everything. You will only drive yourself crazy. The truth is, you will never really know. And you have to come to accept it in order to continue living in peace. It’s up to you what you want to believe, what you want to hold on to and what to discredit. It’s all up to you. And don’t get sucked into self-doubt and second guessing your own wits. There is nothing wrong with you as a person. And there is nothing wrong with them. Judge their action, their choices; your behaviour, your responses. Learn to separate who someone is and what they do. When you get this theory, you are well on your way to make peace; first with yourself, then with others.
Forgiveness is possible, but it’s true; you never forget. Don’t punish yourself while you are too busy punishing the other person for letting you down. Rather, show yourself self-love and in return show others who hurt you compassion. I am not saying it’s easy to do this. But I am saying it is possible. You choose the path you want to take. And you choose how to live. You want peace; act with that intent. And yes, as messed up as it sounds, in some cases; they loved you even when they cheated on you.