My life changed forever

 

And just like that … my life changed forever. I lost my grandma in the physical world and heaven gained an angel. How else can I put it?

There are no words to describe such a beautiful soul. One I have been so blessed to have been in her presence as long as I have. One whose life has been full of challenges and sufferings, just as much as joy and fulfillment. Her life is unique. No other human being lived the life she lived, felt how she felt, and handled things the way she did. Only one person on this earth lived this life and that is my Grandmother.

Little did we know, her own family, how much of a blessing she was until she was gone. We have always loved her, appreciated her, felt blessed by having her around. Never did we truly grasp that her presence was far beyond what we can comprehend. An Angel in disguise was living among us. A pure soul that lived to serve those she loved.

Indeed, a remarkable human being for enduring the suffering that was part of her journey here on earth. She just prayed. That’s all she did. She lifted her hand to the sky and asked for God’s help. She carried on the weight of a mountain. She walked on thorny roads. She didn’t ask for much. All she ever wanted was to make her family happy. All she ever prayed for is that we are always safe, and guided by the Divine.

Until her last day, she prayed for all her children, their spouses, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I am so blessed to have been divinely guided to be the one to take care of her in the last few years. It’s an honour and an absolute blessing that I was there by her side until it was her time to transition to her eternal home where she belongs. Her home among the angels, reuniting with my grandpa. This vision brings me solace.

It was easy for anyone to love her once they met her. It didn’t matter that she couldn’t speak the language. She communicated with her eyes and with her beautiful smile. Everyone she crossed path with, was touched by her kindness and pure love. She gave her love freely with no reservation. She made the effort to stay in touch and check on her friends on a daily basis. She never missed an occasion, greeting every person she knows, sending her prayers and blessings their way.

That is what I will miss the most, hearing her prayers and blessings for me. Even though, her words echo in my mind, I feel such an emptiness in my heart because she is not right here in front of me. I cannot hug her. I cannot kiss her face. I cannot lay my head on her chest as she caresses my hair and tells me how much I mean to her. I am struggling to let her go and accept that she is no longer here. Even though I feel her spirit around me since the day she left the physical world. I can communicate with her still. It is just not the same.

I miss all the things I used to do with her. There were still more things I wanted to do with her. Although I have no regrets because I know in my heart, I have given her every ounce of my attention and love. When she needed help, I was there. When she needed assurance, I was there. When she needed attention, I was there. But it seems that there is always more I could have done. More time I could have given. And still it would never be enough. If I were to be honest, I would never be ready for her to go and leave me. There would never be a time where I could say, that it’s okay for her to depart. I force myself to say this now, only because I know she is at peace. No more pain. No more suffering. No more humiliation. No more loneliness. No more feeling useless. No more feeling like she is a burden.

Grandma, you were never a burden on me .. ever .. ever … Everything I ever did for you, I loved it, I enjoyed serving you with all of my heart. I would give my life, if it meant seeing you one more time. To hold you one more time. To kiss you one more time. To hear you call my name .. just one more time.

I know I have to let you go. I know life just has to go on. I know it will get easier with time. And I know you will always be right here by my side. I know you didn’t leave me and you never will. I just have to learn to get used to connecting with you in the other realm. I promise you I will be happy again someday. I promise you my tears will be less and my sadness will dissipate. I promise you I will live a full life as you wished for me. Every step of the way, you will be watching over me, sharing my joys and sorrows and no-doubt, protecting me. You will always be a big part of my life. Just as it was on earth, it shall continue with you in heaven. This I know with all my heart.

I miss you … more than I can describe. I love you more than I can ever feel. I sense your presence and in my heart I will forever hold you near.

Until we meet again, goodbye my Grandma … just from the physical world. I will be here listening to your voice calling my name and saying … I love you too.

2 comments on “My life changed forever

  1. Words can often escape us in these times, until we actually sit down and put them to paper. It can be difficult to put a lifetime of memories and emotions into something, then put it out there for the world to see and interpret.

    Your words were beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

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