Can one moment change your life forever?

The moment I knew it was over

I can’t recall the exact date when it hit me but I can tell you I remember that moment vividly. I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling of this room where yelling and screaming is trapped into its walls. It’s a quiet and eerie feeling yet I can hear voices in my head. I hear my shouting. I hear my crying. I hear my fast heart beating. I feel the pain in my heart. I fear for my safety. And I can see him in front of me even when he is not there. I can feel his energy. I can hear his nasty words. I feel his anger. I hide under the cover as if to protect me. The voices are still there. There is no running away. There is no pretending it’s okay. It isn’t. It never was. I can’t do this anymore. I’m done. I’m truly done. I know I said those words before. This time it feels different. This time. I mean it.

With tears flowing down my eyes wetting my hairline dripping into my ears, I am confronted that I’m living in a nightmare. An overwhelming feeling that a day will soon come when I will wake up and not be here anymore.

That day will come. I promised myself. That day when I will no longer feel this pain. One day I will find myself again. The me I started to lose. I was aware what was happening to me. I could see it. Why did it take so long to get here? Why did I allow this to go on for so long.? I should know better. What was I thinking?

Well, I wasn’t thinking straight that’s for sure. My judgment has been clouded. I’ve been stuck in this trap that I allowed myself to be in. And now it’s time I get out. I didn’t know how I was going to get myself out of this mess. But I trusted in me. I knew that when I put my mind to something I will get it done. I may not have all the answers, the whens and hows. I just knew that one day I will not be laying in this bed anymore thinking these thoughts, feeling these feelings or crying these tears. That day will come soon. I knew it.

All it took was a moment. A moment when I was honest with myself. A moment where time stood still and it was me myself and I. There is only truth. No influences. No distractions. No doubts. It was a moment of strength and resilience. A moment of determination. A moment of faith and hope. A moment where I touched the rope, held on tight and started pulling. It was the rope to get my power back. Every decision I took from that moment on was another pull on that rope. Every thought I had was inspired and guided.

You see, I knew I couldn’t do this alone. I needed divine intervention. I asked for it. I knew in my heart I was not alone every step of the way. And sure enough, the events that unfolded – that led to my freedom from this cage is nothing short of a miracle.

I did it. Here I am laying in another bed staring at a different ceiling with tears flowing down the side of my face. These tears are different. They are tears of relief. Tears of triumph. Tears of conquering my fears and overcoming the many challenges I had to face in the last few weeks, days and hours. I did it. Yes. I did. I put my mind to it. I knew I could be free and live the life I deserved.

This was the beginning of a fresh start. But first I have to face this next phase. This phase is just as important as the previous one. The Hoover phase. I anticipated it wasn’t going to be that simple. He wasn’t going to give up that easily and accept defeat. I knew I needed to take drastic measures to protect myself. And I did.

Some call it paranoia and extreme measures. Let them call it as they may. It was I who lived this nightmare and it is I who got myself out and it will be I who decides how far to go to keep myself out. That’s the only thing that mattered. Preserving the effect of that one moment in time that took place in a bed I no longer wanted to sleep in.

Here I am telling the story of how it all changed. My life changed just in one moment. One decision. One moment of trusting and asking for help. That moment I will never forget.

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