Do you know the key to forgiveness?
For me – this was probably one of the toughest lessons in my life. I had to endure so much until I was able to reach the point where I am currently. Even with that, I have a long way to go.
I struggle with letting things go when someone dear to me is being hurt by someone else. Strange, I can forgive someone for hurting me but I cannot easily forgive when they are hurting someone I love. I am learning to apply the same perspective as it applies to me.
The key to forgiveness I learned, is to understand that in forgiving them – I am releasing myself from the hold they got over me by their hurtful actions. It is in no way condoning or accepting the wrong doing. It is not a favour I am doing to the wrong doer. Forgiveness is for me. Forgiveness is so that I can move on with my life. Forgiveness is the antidote to living with resentment, bitterness, anger or denial to feelings in extreme cases.
Many people say to me: “I have forgiven” Then I watch their behaviour and I see their face reacts when confronted with their ‘wrong doer’. There is a contradiction.
It is easy to fool and convince yourself that you have forgiven. You are only causing yourself more harm and stretching out the toxic energy in your life. The longer you hold on to resentment, the more you will suffer. Let it go …. It’s done. The damage is done. The hurt is done. It’s finished. Stop keeping it alive by your stubbornness. You are only hurting yourself.
Have you truly forgiven them? Be honest.
What would you do if you found out your partner has been cheating on you?
For me – I can tell you that I already know how that feels. The feeling of betrayal. The feeling of disbelief. Anger and hurt are not the only emotions that will overpower you. You may start questioning your whole relationship, the sincerity of the love and your capability of making a good judgement.
One of the first things you will accuse yourself of, is being so stupid. “How did I not see this?” you will ask yourself. “Why did my partner do this?” will be the next question you need answers to. “Was I not enough for you?” is what you would really like to know.
Your self-doubt will cripple your thinking. Your second-guessing of their love for you will drive you crazy. These are all natural emotions we feel when we are shocked. But when the shock wears off, and when you gain some strength, you will learn the lesson you needed to learn through this painful experience, that yes – you didn’t deserve. But it happened.
So learn what was necessary for you to learn and you will be okay. The best thing for you is to turn the painful experience into a valuable lesson and carry on your journey.
How would you handle this? What would you do?
If you were to be truly honest with yourself right now – how many people in your life that you can say: “I depend on them and I know they will be there for me – thick and thin!”
For me – I used to think that it is important to have people in your life, whether family members or close friends, to depend on when necessary. This need or desire if you want to call it – led to creating expectations – which in turn resulted into big disappointments.
As life taught me various lessons, this one lesson I learned and I am so grateful that I did. I do not need to depend on anyone. I do not need to expect anything from anyone at any time. Sure, there are people that are near to my heart. Sure, there are those who have proven to me that I can count on them when I am in need. However, I will no longer ever confuse this with having an expectation from them.
I depend on myself first and foremost. I will ask for help when I need it. I may not get the help from those I ask. The universe will always send me the right person for the situation at hand. This I know with all my being.
How do you feel about this? Do you place expectations on certain people in your life? Have you been disappointed? What have you learned when you were let down? Are you feeling bitter? Betrayed? Do you think it was realistic – having those expectations? Better yet – why do you feel justified in having those expectations? What can you let go of now?
When you walk away from someone that once mattered to you – how do you feel?
For me – firstly, I am overwhelmed with feelings of loss, followed by a disbelief that the separation occurred. I then justify to myself the decision I took in ending the toxic attachment, as I replay in my mind all that transpired leading to the outcome.
I usually get a sense of guilt of abandoning someone I cared about. Soon after, I will accept that our journeys are no longer on the same path. After I take enough time to heal, I move on. I will not forget, I forgive and choose to remember the good memories and focus on the lessons I needed to learn.
How do you feel when you cut someone out of your life?
Do you find yourself, more often than you would like, feeling disappointed in your partner’s behaviour?
For me – I found myself in the same position in almost every relationship I had. So repetitive, that at some point I doubted myself. I wondered: “why can’t they just love me the way I want to be loved?” Continue reading
Do you find yourself living more in the past or the present?
For me – I find myself more and more becoming aware of my habit of looking back and remembering events that took place. I believe it has been a work in progress for me to live more in the present moment and only use the past as a learning experience.
I also learned it is okay when I recall the past and not be so hard on myself. I just keep reminding myself what happened, happened. I am here now. No regrets. No shoulda, coulda, woulda. Everything that happened was meant to happen. I allowed it to happen. And now it is time to let go of all the pain and live this moment, right here. Because yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is not yet here. All I have is NOW.
What do you find yourself doing? Are you living in the past still? Are you holding on to anger and resentment? Do you feel stuck? Are you ready to let it all go and live in the present moment? How do you want to live your life?
Are your emotions leading you?
For me – I am usually led by my emotions. When I didn’t know any better, I felt stupid for being so emotional and saw it as a flaw in my character. Others pointed out to me the same and I believed them.
Now, I embrace my emotion and sensitivity. Now I understand more about myself because I educated myself. I am an empath and there is nothing shameful about that. My emotions allow me to be the compassionate, kind, giving person I am. And I wouldn’t want to be any different.
As for making decisions, well, I found that a balance of emotions and mind works best. Everyone must find their comfortable point. Everyone has their own scale. Do what feels right for you – not what others think you should do. After all, it is your life. It is your emotions. Let it lead you to where it may. Embrace it and you will know how to work with it. I did.
How about you? What’s your stance on your emotions these days?
When can you see yourself saying: “I am satisfied. I have done it all.”
For me – I do not foresee myself ever saying these words. I am always striving to better myself, learn something new, making things happen, serving others, making a difference in this world. There will always be something I can do, even when I am older – at least that’s how I see it now.
What about you?
What is love?
For me – love is something I can never do justice by describing. Love is a feeling inside me that exists whether I pay attention to it or not. Love is a state of being. Love is a way of life. Love is giving. Love is forgiving. Love for me, is how I interact in the world day by day, minute by minute. Love is my existence.
What is love for you?
What do you think it means when you say: “I can sleep tonight with a clear conscious”?
For me – it means I have done everything I can to stand by my values and principles. My conscious is clear when I know whole heartedly, I did not set out to hurt another person. For me it is certainty in being the person I am in every way possible.
What does it mean for you?