Raise your hand in the air if you are guilty of using this method with people in your life. Whether in the past or in the present. 🙋‍♀️ Fine I will be the first one to raise my hand. Here I am. Guilty. I have used it and not proud of it. The question is why do we resort to silence and what is our intention from using this type of method. Is it really a bad thing to do? Or is it a catch 22???

Believe me when I tell you, speaking for myself anyway, I never have the intention to give someone the silent treatment. In fact, I don’t enjoy it one bit. Furthermore, it bothers me because I feel like there is unfinished business that needs to be handled.

Having said that, I sometimes feel that certain situations need a bit of space and silence, in order for the parties involved to cool off, regroup, think clearly and maybe able to work things out. Many times, it ends up being very silly misunderstandings. And other times, you realize that taking a step back allows you to think things through and perhaps start to see things from a different angle, either on your own or by involving a trusted third party.

In any case, giving someone the silent treatment must have a cause and effect. For starters, something triggered this extreme behaviour. The fact that you reach to the point where you don’t want to talk to that person or see them. And the situation makes your blood boil. Then it is better you take your time to heal before trying to fix it.

The thing is, not in all cases the feelings are mutual. And not in all scenarios you will have two people thinking the same way and feeling the same and even handling challenging situations in the same manner. Some people want to talk about it and solve it now. While some need some time to cool down, perhaps they are trying to avoid from having things escalate further unnecessarily.

You have some people though who keep pushing the buttons by saying all the wrong things because they want the other person to react and let it all blow up. Thinking it’s better to let things explode because that is working things out in their opinion. These people have no patience, they do not want to wait and deal with it later. Some people just don’t understand that just because you are ready to fix things after the damage occurred, that the other person is ready too.

These are all valid points, but in no way am I claiming that taking extreme measures by cutting people off without telling them what is the actual problem, is the right thing to do. Or using this method as a guilt-trip method or control method or punishment method for that matter. Then, in that case, it is wrong – very wrong to use the silent treatment because it will not solve anything. The intentions behind it were not pure or innocent. They are calculated and vindictive. And simply the person you used the silent treatment as a method to gain power over the other person is a sick person and needs to get some help.

Keeping silent for a while to regroup and work things out calmly at a later time is a very smart choice for some people. As long as you communicate clearly to the other person your expectations of them so they are aware and not have to try to read your mind.

Also, by letting them know that you need some time and that you will contact them when you are ready to discuss things. And don’t expect them to be ready right away just because you are ready. The other party need not play a game by refusing to talk when time passes and says:”oh now you are ready! Well, I’m not ready, so you wait, the same way you made me wait”. Seriously, what year in kindergarten are we in??? Grow up people. This is not a game. And this is not a struggle for power and who has the last say. What will that accomplish anyway. You just started a new problem and veered away from the original one. Good luck fixing things now.

Frankly, this is not an easy clear-cut subject to discuss. Because there are many ways of looking at it. I just tried to show a few scenarios where this could occur. But I’m sure there are things I have not come across in my life and probably won’t know how to judge it. But what I do know, is that I was wrong a few times by giving people the silent treatment and expected them to psychically know what I am upset about. I was so blinded by my anger. I was wrong in the way I handled a few issues.

Without giving myself any excuses, I’m just wondering if I am simply repeating what was done to me in my childhood. I resented it then but here I am doing the exact same thing I was suffering from. The good thing, I am recognizing my faults. And I am not afraid or ashamed to say: I was wrong. And I need to work on myself.

So here I am, I told you about my own misuse of the silent treatment. Now it’s time for you to be honest with yourself and see if you need to work on that too.