What a poison it is!!

We may not talk about anger as much as we express it in our daily lives.  We experience it, we witness it, we resent it, we regret it and wish we never felt it because no good comes out of being angry.

So why do we get angry? What do we do when we are angry? Do we recognize when we are? How can we control it? Can we eliminate it from our lives? What can we do to prevent the feeling from taking over our emotions?

In order to know how to control this feeling of anger, one must know what it is and where it comes from.  Not that I am an expert at the subject, but I would like to give it a try.

So let’s figure it out, one person says or does something that upsets the other person, so the natural reaction is to feel angry.  Your blood boils, you can feel the heat in your ears, your heart races a million beats per second (a little exaggerated) … You may start to change your body language in a nervous way or even use certain type of language that is not typical in your vocabulary.  You can lose total control and lash out on innocent people who have nothing to do with the situation except for being there at the wrong time and wrong place.  Even worse, you can resort to violence; whether it is hurting someone or yourself … Another scenario can be related towards a situation or circumstance that does not go according to our desired outcome. Therefore it is safe to say that: ‘Anger is a feeling that is in reaction of an action or lack thereof!’

My take is that; the person that feels anger has possibly reached their breaking point at that moment.  There could be earlier unrelated events that occurred right before that moment which triggered such an extreme change in behaviour. It could be that the person is easily angered due to a personality trait or it can also be that the person does not know how to let out their inner emotions and it is expressed in an ‘anger format’ whether it is a desired behavior or not.  I say “desired behaviour” because unfortunately, there are people out there who think that by showing anger; they can get their point across, which translates in their opinion being firm and strong.

Let us break it down some more.  Anger can come in so many forms and levels. It can be shown immediately or it can appear in intervals.  It can last for a moment to a lifetime.  Think about it for a second.  Can you imagine yourself living your whole life feeling angry?  You can be angry at someone or more than one person or even angry at yourself!! Anger sometimes is not expressed, although we seem to think that if someone is angry, they will let us know.  There are those people who suppress their feelings and it can surface in other types of behaviour.  It is a feeling that no one wants – If it doesn’t bring you peace, then it is not good for you.

Who WANTS to be angry?

It is not a good feeling and those who felt it know that very well … Most of the time people’s actions, when they are angry, are bad ones and many times deeply regretted after the fact.  You experience the “I wish I hadn’t done that or said that”.  By then, it may be too late, the damage is done. Even if anger resulted only into a verbal dispute, it can be destructive and hurtful nonetheless.  But we sometimes do not know how else to respond at that moment and getting frustrated is the most normal reaction to us – or so we think!

Getting angry is actually the easiest way to deal with our disappointments or frustrations.  We did not get our way – so how do we release this energy inside of us that wants to scream out loud “NOOOOOOOOO!!”

Now that we have a better understanding about anger and where it comes from, how do we control it?

It is inevitable that things in our lives will not turn out the way we want it all the times.  If we can just understand that we do not have control over what others say or do.  We cannot control the occurrence of a situation, however we can control the way we handle it.  We also need to put into perspective, life is not perfect, WE are not perfect; it is what it is. We can start  by choosing to deal with the situation at hand rather than dealing with the person involved. There are various alternatives in confronting our frustrations, we just have to get creative with it.  Every person has their own way in handling their emotions.  We can use breathing techniques, walking away from the situation until we are calmer and able to have a productive conversation, we can count in our heads till we are less agitated.  In some cases, we may choose to take the high road, meaning, let it go, just let it all go. Not every situation needs resolving.  Some things happen and no amount of talking, arguing, yelling or ranting will change it.  So what is the point in allowing ourselves to get all worked up.  Is it even worth it? We have to ask ourselves these questions.

There is no cut and dry answer to handling our disappointments and frustrations.  Anger though is not one of them as it will not solve anything.  Avoiding a situation to begin with is a great preventative measure that we can consider to use more often – at least we can try!!

Most likely, if we are recognizing our anger, it is because we lived with its consequences at some point.  If you really do not like the person you become when you allow anger, then simply don’t.  Find a way that is suitable to your personality and try different techniques until you find the one that clicks with you.  The best thing to do is to face it head on.  Ignoring it won’t make it go away, denying it won’t help either.  Be honest with yourself once and for all.

Do you allow anger into your life?  Ask yourself!  Now what are you going to do about it???

I will share a couple of quotes on anger with you, may be it will help:

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” ~~Buddha~~

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”  ~~Ambrose Bierce ~~

“Two things a man should never be angry at: what he can help, and what he cannot help.” ~~Thomas Fuller~~