The Gift I wish I Could Give

From a very young age, we are conditioned to gift giving during special occasions. From birthdays to anniversaries, Christmas and Easter, Valentine (first it was for lovers then you learned it’s actually for everyone you love then it became anyone you know,) Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, graduation, retirement, recovering from illness or surgery… you name it.

We love to find an excuse to gifting. Only to grow up and realize,

hey, there need not be an occasion or excuse to gift someone, and it doesn’t need to be extravagant. Furthermore, you can present a gift without spending a cent. You learn that there is value solely in the concept of giving. It’s even more magical when there is a high level of appreciation from the recipient.

Some have gotten used to giving gifts as an obligation or something that you do because everyone else does it. Some truly enjoy giving gifts and love to get creative in the process. While some hate doing it, won’t make an effort or simply just don’t care. Some expect to receive a gift and will get upset if they don’t get what they want or expect. Call it entitlement.

Some are givers to no end and have a hard time receiving or accepting someone gifting them back. Like they don’t deserve it or they are not special. Sometimes overwhelmed with guilt because someone went out of their way to get them a gift and spent their money on them. These are the self-sacrificing kind of people and in some cases minimizing their worthiness to a fault. It can stem as a result of conditioning, upbringing or toxic parenting.

In consideration of all types of givers and takers, entitled and self-sacrificing, in the end, it’s all about exposure. What you are being exposed to, learn, and become accustomed to. For the most part, you carry on what you are used to experiencing for the remainder of your life. With some exceptions here and there.

For example, you may learn to accept receiving and not lose sleep over it. You may learn: “hey I’m worth it. I fully accept it.”

It’s a new awareness that gifting is just an expression of love. It’s another way to say: “I care about you. You are important to me. I value you. Thank you for being you.”

On the other hand, those who have had terrible experiences with being used, felt obligated or met with little to no appreciation in some occasions. Even worse, ridiculed for their choice in gifts or monetary value. Such experiences may lead to being turned off the whole gifting thing. They don’t want anything from anyone and they won’t waste their time, money or energy on anyone either.

Or in my case, feel torn about gifting when you are not being true to yourself.

Imagine being in the position where the right thing to do is to give a gift. Yet it’s not stemming from the heart. It has turned into an obligation or means to hide your true feelings. You may find yourself in situations where it’s an obligation or it’s expected of you. This can also be a result of other people’s involvement. They may not have the capacity to understand how tormenting it is because for starters they don’t feel how you feel. Secondly, their views in life differ from yours. They may be thinking: “what’s the big deal? Why are you complicating it? Just get the gift and finish with it.”

That’s not how you see it, though.

Yet it almost tears you up while doing it. And here comes the tough part. What do you get?

Don’t you find it extra difficult shopping for someone you would rather not be shopping for. Have you experienced browsing through the cards section hoping to find the right card. Except you find yourself feeling sadder, more frustrated and hurt.

Some of those cards are truly beautiful. The words touch you but in the way you wish it has. You feel hurt because you realize, the card is describing a person or a relationship you wish existed. But the person you are buying this card for did not do these things and do not make you feel this way. It’s the exact opposite sometimes. So, what do you do?

You try to find something more generic or perhaps it’s good idea to pick a funny card. You just can’t bring yourself to buy the emotional one that lacks every bit of reality. You would not be honoring yourself or your feelings. As a matter of fact, you would be adding to your trauma.

What a struggle! All because you need to be nice.

To keep the peace.

To do the right thing.

To do what’s expected.

If you were to ask me, if I were to be true to myself, what gift would I give. I would say, ‘a dose of the painful truth.’

Whether it makes a difference or not, they recognize, admit and be remorseful or not. It doesn’t matter. What matters, is telling the truth of WHAT IS, with the intention of being authentic and true to oneself. No pretending. No faking. No being two-faced. No doing things out of obligation or being nice. Raw and Real. No guilt and no shame. No one to explain why you are choosing to stand up for yourself. No justifying. No defending. There is nothing to defend. You have the right to be who you are. You have the right to be different. You have the right to choose not conform or follow the crowd.

I say this to myself all the time. Easier said than done. I’m learning to stand more and more in my power and choose the path less traveled. Knowing I will encounter criticism and disapproval. Thing is, I stopped looking for approval long time ago. In fact, I’m not looking to fit in any kind of box. I don’t do well in boxes. I’m free and I am being UNAPOLOGETICALLY ME.

If someone was considering giving me a gift – let me tell you the best gift you could ever give: The truth! Raw and Real. And when I say “truth” I don’t mean your perception of the truth. I mean actual truth. The only real truth: Facts. Intentions. Words spoken. Action Taken.

Here is the catch. What you might believe to be a fact is indeed a perception and an opinion. Your opinion is not Truth, It’s your opinion. You are entitled to it. AND it does not make it a fact or absolute Truth.

This might just be a new topic to write about – stayed tuned – maybe I will.