How do you find the words to say Goodbye? How do you walk away knowing that with every step you take, you are one step further away from the one you love? How does your heart not break in two? How do you do it?
Goodbyes are one of the most difficult things in our lives. There are those goodbyes that we choose and those we do not. There are those that we are prepared for and those we are not. There are those goodbyes that you get over eventually and those that you cannot.
Whether you are saying goodbye for good or temporarily, it is painful either way. Each Goodbye pain is different and each individual deals with it differently. When a loved one dies, you have to find a way to come to peace with it and allow yourself to grieve and ultimately let go of that person. When someone is sick and you know their time is coming, you are somewhat ready to let go but you are never ready to say the final goodbye. You pray and you wish that every moment that passes; there is hope that you will not have to say that goodbye after all. But when it does … you are devastated and angry at the world, maybe even find someone to blame for something that went wrong, possibly even blame yourself because you are trying to make sense of your loss – and you just can’t.
Then there are those goodbyes when you break up a marriage or any romantic relationship for that matter. Whether it was your decision to walk away and end things or you were on the receiving end of it, the pain is excruciating, you almost feel like you are dying. Some cannot actually say those final words and have to end things silently. Some have to hear those last words before walking away once and for all. Some don’t know how to deal with goodbye and completely shut down or possibly shut the other person out of their life abruptly. There is just no easy way to ever say goodbye to someone you once loved dearly and sometimes you say goodbye and you still love the person and that is ten times worse.
What about those goodbyes that sometimes life forces you to do. When you have to relocate because of a job or if your wife or husband to be lives in another city or country. And what about when you decide to take your family and immigrate to another with hopes for a better future. You must say goodbye to your family and friends, pack up and just go. You find a way to justify things to yourself and build your life from scratch. Those goodbyes are not easy neither on the one leaving nor the one staying behind.
In every situation I described above, saying Goodbye is a process. We must go through different emotions until we find a way to have peace in our heart. The order of emotions and the severity may vary from one person to the next. Some may not experience all of those emotions either. It may start by feeling overwhelmed, followed by sadness, then anger, then guilt, then resentment, and sometimes feeling lost. As we try to make sense of what is happening, we find reasons, excuses, justifications, simply looking for closure. Sometimes we don’t get the closure we need to move on with our lives. Other times, it is right there and we refuse to accept it and torture ourselves unnecessarily. Most times though, we dig deep inside, find our buried strength, get back up on our feet, look up to the sky and know that everything is just going to be alright even when we just experienced a loss – no matter which one it was.
I am sharing my thoughts with you on this topic as I am personally experiencing it. I try to look at it from different angles. Some scenarios I have already experienced and lived through, while some I have yet to experience. As rational as I would like to be, I can’t help but be emotional. This is a new type of Goodbye for me. I have to say, I am having a hard time right now saying Goodbye. There is a part of me that has not yet grasped the reality of the situation. It feels like I am living in a dream or even a borrowed life. I know it is my life I am living, yet it all seems so unreal.
All that seems to be on my mind is that: “I hope I told those whom I love that I LOVE THEM DEARLY, I hope I thanked those who stood by me time and time again, I hope I said the right things, did the right things, I hope all those in my life know that my life would not have been the same without them, I hope they forgive me if I hurt them, I hope they will remember me always, above all I hope that they know that I will never forget them – no matter where life takes me.”
I don’t know how I will be able to say that final goodbye to my loved ones. I don’t know how long it will take me to get adjusted. I don’t know how it will affect me emotionally in the longterm. I do know this though: “I will cry but my tears will dry, I will hurt but my heart will survive, I will miss but I will also be missed, I will smile knowing that I am loved.”
I may be saying Goodbye now, but I will be coming back. I may be far away physically, but my spirit will remain. I may get preoccupied or out of touch for a period of time, but the ones I love will always be on my mind. Holding on to the beautiful memories will keep me going on. I will find the strength to succeed and live the life that I dreamed of. And when I come back; it will be a brand new Me – New and Improved – that’s what I would like to be. And who knows, maybe I will take you on this new journey with me – wouldn’t you want to know where I am going and who I will be? Stay tuned and have patience with me – the day will soon come when I reveal all that is going on with me ……
Until we meet again – is what I will say – because for me – I can never say GOODBYE!