With my Birthday approaching, this is the time I normally sit back and reflect on my life. I face myself with the reality of what is, not what I would like it to be. A reality check so to speak. My life runs in front of my eyes like a movie and I am watching myself; laugh, cry, succeed, fail, satisfied, deprived, happy, sad, content, needy, surrounded by many and alone.
This year feels different to me for some reason, a change is happening in my life, a change is happening within me. I can feel it. Maybe I am exaggerating like I seldom do, lol. I guess time will tell.
So why do I feel like this birthday carries an important meaning in my life, why this one in particular. Possibly because of the number … lol…
I don’t really feel like I am older, I just feel like I am more mature. I feel that the world around me is different somehow. Or is it my view of the world around me that is changing? not sure. Maybe I want things to change, so I make myself believe that it is and so it will be.
No doubt I have been struggling for a really long time. Those who are close to me know this very well. I haven’t had it easy in any way. I never gave up on myself even when things got so tough that it can break someone into pieces. I believe I am strong-willed and I know that God is with me and that is why I keep on fighting my way through.
It is good for me to remind myself of the downs in my life, so I can appreciate the good times and to be grateful to have just one moment of happiness, one moment of peace, one moment that gets added to the movie of my life.
I may not be at a stage in my life where I expected to be, but then again, who knows where they will end up. I had dreams and still do that I would have a family of my own by this time; a husband who adores me and children that would bring so much joy in my life. That is not the case right now. And I am ok with that. I am not happy about it, but I accept it. I know that what is good for me will be revealed at the right time in my life. I am not angry and I am not bitter. I am definitely not jealous and I am not envious. My heart knows that I deserve something good. And I will get it when God wants me to have it. Maybe I wasn’t ready for it all this time even though I thought that I was. Who knows what the reason is, it doesn’t really matter.
I am living a life that I never thought I would be living. I am experiencing things I never thought I would experience. So here I am, thanking God for my health, my job, my family, my friends and I am grateful for all that I own, although a material thing is not true happiness, but I am thankful I have it nonetheless. I am stopping myself from being so consumed with life, with its wants and needs. I am taking a break from it all and I am focusing on what really matters. I am giving Thanks to GOD. I am being grateful and content. Above all else, I have my parents’ love and blessings. I am loved by so many people. I have all that I need, and if anything else comes along, it is the icing on the cake.
I am sharing this with you; my readers, although it is my very personal and private thoughts, because I know that many of us don’t stop to think about what they have and to be grateful for it. It is easy to get sucked in to society’s needs and wanting more all the time; nothing is ever good enough for us. It is the way we have been programmed to live for years and so I think it is never too late to be reminded; why not take a moment, sit down with yourself and be grateful for the gifts you have in your life now. Give thanks and appreciate it all; the good and the bad. The whole package makes what is called “Our Life” .
I choose to start a new chapter in my life as my birthday approaches. I will make the effort to correct any wrongs I have done. I will stop doing anything that was hurting me, I will really try to stop dwelling about the past and I will love myself just a little more. It is one thing to know my self-worth, it is another to act like it.
I may not have all the answers to all my problems, but tomorrow is a new day and who knows what will come my way. I just have to take the first step. I open up a new page and I start my own new chapter. A new beginning in my life, I vow to make it the best year in my life. All I have to do is just believe that it will be……..
Just discovered you and your flowing prose of heart and love this past week. Thank you for sharing. A quote I’ve used for years and in a recent book of mine from A Course In Miracles is “Love waits on welcome, not on time.” I hope you enjoy it.
Thank you – I will …