Sometimes I refer to my mind as a hard drive that contains several folders labelled and organized, categorized and sorted by date created or date modified. Every once in a while, I go through a purge where I delete duplicates or unwanted files. At times renaming some files, editing them or simply storing them in a temporary folder for later use. I forget however to empty the trash bin regularly. This causes the hard drive to become slower and the deleted items are still taking space from the overall capacity.

When I remember to empty the trash permanently, a sense of relief occurs with a little worry: “I wonder if I deleted something I needed or didn’t back up?! I wonder if I lost a file I may never get back?!” The cycle continues. Eventually, I forget about the deleted files and the trash bin ends up full again with more duplicates and unwanted files.

Isn’t it a very close description of how we treat our minds? The information we gather along our journey of life. The knowledge we gain. The experiences we live that become an integral part of who we are. The memories we hold on to. Whether good or bad. Wanted or unwanted. We connect all these to our emotions. Again, good or bad, healthy or unhealthy. It’s safe to say, that what we believe as emotions stemming from our heart, is indeed influenced by the experiences of the mind. Our thoughts, our perceptions, our interpretations, our dreams and our desires, are all responsible for the way we feel.

Some of those feelings are positive. While some are negative. The ones you focus on the most with your thoughts – are the ones dominating your whole being – mind, heart and soul. And at times affecting your body too.

We are all familiar with negative thoughts and feelings. But for some reason, we seem to be oblivious when they are taking hold of us. Some are more obvious than others. Some we deny we are experiencing or perhaps unable to confront ourselves that we have been under some sort of a spell and are not in control of our feelings or thoughts. Some causes: arrogance, pride, complacency, denial, withdrawal, personality disorder, PTSD, etc.

No matter the cause, reasoning or justification, it all boils down to one elephant that has taken over and crippled the mind which in turn held the heart hostage. The result is self-imprisonment, self-sabotage and self-destruction. This elephant is FEAR. Yes.  Fear – single-handedly, is responsible for every other negative and unhealthy thought, and emotion and directly responsible for actions taken or untaken in consequence.

When fear takes over you, you experience suffering. Because you are:

too scared to make a decision,

too scared to take a leap of faith,

too scared to try something new and unfamiliar,

too scared to let go of something you have known all your life even though it’s damaging and holding you back,

too scared to speak up and fend for yourself,

too scared to set boundaries and say ‘No’, ‘I don’t want to do this’,

too scared to admit you made a mistake so you dig a deeper hole you can’t get out of,

too scared to confront,

too scared to make some changes that will benefit you, so you sacrifice yourself in order to please others for the sake of maintaining the image you are attached to,

too scared to open your heart to love because of past hurt, so you miss out on second chances,

too scared to succeed to avoid being envied, so you self-sabotage,

too scared to chase your dreams in case you fail or get rejected, so you don’t try at all,

too scared to express your feelings so you don’t become vulnerable to anyone, you shut down, never experiencing authentic relationships, missing on intimacy and real connection,

too scared to want something lest it’s difficult to obtain so better not dream at all.

The list goes on and on about how fear is the culprit in every miserable situation we end up experiencing.

Indeed, there are external circumstances outside of our control that play a role in our lives. However, the bigger role in how things turn out is dependent on how we handle the situation, how we respond, the feelings we allow, whether or not we let fear take over or we recognize fear and stare it right in the face, doing whatever needs to be done anyway.

Notice how I don’t claim the non-existence of fear. That would be delusional and totally misleading. Fear is part of our make-up. It exists. Always have, and always will. There are healthy fears and unhealthy fears. Fear is part of our survival mechanism on Earth. It is to be honoured rather than frowned upon or rejected.

Fear is to be welcomed. Fear is to be accepted. Fear is to be clearly labeled, and used to assist in the process of planning our next move. Fear itself does not provide safety. Fear along with wisdom, courage and resilience will create a totally different outcome. How we use the fear that shows up to our advantage is the key to a fulfilling life. Not necessarily with no challenges and hardships. These too are inevitable. How we rise above them is the art of living. Let’s address the elephant in the mind once and for all.