Right or Wrong?

Ever found yourself in the middle of a broken relationship where you are the observer of both parties? You find yourself struggling to stay objective. You can’t take sides. You want to help and it can be really challenging at times. It’s not about you helping them save their relationship. It’s not about what you would do. Because you are not them and they are not you. In reality, no one is right and no one is wrong.

When a relationship is put to the test, it goes through a roller coaster ride. There is no telling how things will end up. It can go either way. It is up to the parties involved to make it work or to let it go. Sometimes, you try everything you possibly can, without compromising yourself, and still, you can’t save it. Perhaps, it’s not meant to be saved. Maybe, not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime. Is it possible that happily ever after is not meant for everyone? Is it possible that for us to grow, we must encounter more than one ‘long-term’ relationship? Is marriage even a good idea?

Everyone in the beginning feels wonderful until we get sucked into the cycle of life. We lose ourselves sometimes and by the time we catch on, it’s too late. Many times, we lose our identity; we don’t recognize ourselves. We may wake up one day, look around and get shocked at the life we are leading. This can be identified as an ‘Identity Crisis’, where you have no clue how you ended up like this. “Who am I?” and “What am I doing?”, are some of the questions that may come to mind.

As the observer, the friend, or supporter, your role is to recognize that you don’t have all the answers. You can only point out things that seem to be overlooked. You can reiterate what they have said. Sometimes, when they hear it from someone other than themselves, it gives them a different perspective. They may end up seeing things they couldn’t before.

When you are caught up in your own life, it’s hard to be objective because you are emotionally invested. Consequently, just listening and letting them know you are there to love and support, that’s the best help you can give.

Everyone has this fear of being judged. That’s why it’s imperative to make it clear that you have no judgments about their thoughts, feelings or actions. Everyone deals with their issues in the way they are comfortable with. And that is all anyone can do.

There is no wrong or right in being who you are. What makes you happy, excited, upset, or drained differs from one to another. In relationships, people usually find some common interests that bring them together. When the kids are the centre of attention, these things that brought you together are replaced. The kids are now the number one priority. They depend on you for everything. So, you forget all about yourself and sometimes you forget all about your partner.

When the kids are grown, all of a sudden you start to realize something is missing from your life. Your connection to your partner seems to be lost or buried deep. Despite the efforts in awakening the relationship and trying to rekindle what once was, you keep coming back full circle.

You attempt to create a new bond with new interests that make you happy today, as the person you have grown to be, but you find that your partner either wants different things or remains stagnant and doesn’t wish to grow. It becomes super difficult to reconnect. One is comfortable with the way things are and the other is not. Sometimes they both realize they drifted apart and there is nothing to hold on to anymore.

Who is right? Who is wrong? Nobody is. You just ARE. If you choose to stay the same, that’s your choice. And if you want to grow and aspire for change, that’s also your choice. What you can’t do however is blame the other person for choosing the path they have chosen. You are right to choose your own path because it’s where you want to be. It’s just sad that sometimes both can’t co-exist under these circumstances.

Perhaps it’s time we let go of our ego. Perhaps it’s time we grow out of the need to be vindicated while pointing the finger at the other to absolve ourselves from any fault. There is no need to find each other guilty. No one is a winner or loser here. No one is better or more right than the other. It’s simply a journey we go on. We choose people along our path to experience it with. At times, it works out in such a way that they remain with us on this journey and it becomes ‘our journey.’ Other times it becomes ‘my journey’ and ‘your journey.’ That’s all there is to it. The more we grasp this, the better off we will be; and the more peaceful our lives will become.